On Thursdays, after work, I teach puppies at the pound how to be cute. Miranda Kerr will NOT stop texting me. I am consistently caller number 5 and I win tickets to all the best shows. I beat Hulk Hogan in arm-wrestling. I golf under par on every hole. I have made five-star, four course meals using only a spoon and a microwave. I'm an amazing cuddler and a world class hugger. I've danced with the stars...and won. I once read The Odyssey and War and Peace in one day and still had time to run a marathon. Fashion lovers worldwide swoon over my clothing line of fleece evening wear. Pie is my favorite food group. I boil water in 10 seconds flat. Moms love me and grandmothers want to dance with me. I invented bacon. When I hit my funny bone I actually laugh. I sleep once a day. In summation...I'm awesome
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
You will come to my place where we will watch a pre-recorded episode of Jeopardy where I have memorized all of the answers. You will act impressed.