In 2013 I took the leap and gave the online dating scene my picture and self summary. As a result the first woman I met from the internet resulted in my only committed, long term relationship. So, looks like I'm batting a thousand when it comes to this internet dating phenomenon. That’s over though and I now find myself back here with updated pictures and a longer self summary.
The user name pretty much speaks for itself...I'm a simple character. I don't own a computer, only have a smart phone because work requires it, not one social media account, and pay my bills by US Mail. I have little fashion sense, my music knowledge is poor, my selfy game is weak, only cook about five things, I don't celebrate my birthday, and work on the holidays which you'll be off for.
I don't have any friends from high school, the friends I have I can count on one hand, and don't mingle with my co-workers outside of work. However, I'd do anything for those four friends and my work ethic will rival the Amish.
I prefer comfort which means I have no problem wearing sweatpants and most of my underwear I've been owned since college. Yes, I graduated college. Amongst the drugs, alcohol, and Xbox, I managed to find the library every day and got my degree in only four years...yes you read that. I like to think I'm smart, but somehow 5th grade spelling and comprehension reading continues to stump me. However, I can bang out some long division with the best elementary school kids out there. I do understand difference between one & won, two & to, and no & know, so maybe I’m not all that dumb.
My favorite season of the year is baseball season. I drink my beer out of a can and can't stand coffee from Starbucks or flavored coffee while we’re discussing it. I only eat one meal a day and it's not breakfast or lunch. I have two dogs who aren’t allowed in my bed, but somehow I find myself waking up next to them every morning. I'm in bed by 2200 every night and up by 0430 each morning. I have no tv in my room, so if you’re fan of the “Real Housewives of West Virginia” or “Keeping up with whichever Kardashian we’re keeping up with now,” sadly you’ll be out of luck.
I groom myself once a week, don't own a razor, and I get haircuts but have not the slightest idea on how to style hair. It will take me no more than 10 minutes to get ready for a night out(that is from undressed to showered to dressed), usually wear my jeans for five days straight, I brush my teeth in the shower, hate when I clip a fingernail too short, and enjoy the feeling of a q-tip in my wet ear.
I’ve been told I have a great personality, am funny, and an above average kisser, but I don’t see it. I do have the most amazing hands - I can open any jar of pickles, I shake hands like a 300 pound lumberjack, and I can rub/scratch a back better than anyone you’ve ever met for full five or six minutes.
I'm don't eat sweets, however I'll bow down for a raspberry cheesecake cookie from Subway and enjoy some red velvet cake. I eat watermelon every day in the summer, but am no good at cutting it. The only fast food I’ll eat is Chick Fil a (I like it so much, I’ll go there on Sunday). I like my water with whole ice cubes and no lemon, don't drink soda, and can eat 37 raw oysters in one sitting.
There is this wonderful, smart, funny, sweet little boy in my life who means the absolute world to me and he will always come first.
If the above hasn't totally appalled you, then you may continue on and message me. However, please don't message me if you have shirtless bathroom selfy pictures in your profile. Don't message me with just "hey" or some variation of the word/phrase. Please don’t push your religious views on me or try to sell me anything. And...I'm not looking to hook up as I've done plenty of that in my twenties. Also, I'm in the process of teaching myself sign language, so bonus points if you know how to sign.
***Reference (yes that’s singular) upon request***
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Something that would sweep you of your feet and be a truly memorable...a sixer on ice, listening to the O's game on the deck with a cold one in hand. You can do wine if you'd like, but I know nothing about wine.