First off I live in my mom's basement with my five best friends who happen to be my cats. If you can't love my mom and my five cats then you can't love me!
Naw, I'm full of it.
Hummm where to start? I am totally not sarcastic nor am I a smart ass, at all. I enjoy sitting on the couch on a really nice day and watching grown men play a game. Obviously this means I eat fatty snacks, pork grinds wrapped in bacon and deep fried anyone? I also enjoy yelling at the TV as if the ref can hear me. But I'd have to say that my all time favorite thing to do is pay for the jersey of my sports team and put another man's name on it. I find that this lets everyone know, "Hey, my genetic material sucks and in an attempt to let everyone know this I put a man's name on my back. It's like overt cuckolding".
I also enjoy being a creepy creeperton. Endless one way emails? YEP! "Accidentally" showing up to your work or a function? YEP! Sending emails about overtly sexual things, like licking cheese-wiz off of your toes while you sit it a bathtub of Pepito? YEP! Am I married? Of course! You cannot expect me to be single. I made a bad choice and instead of admitting she is unsatisfying I'm here to find some "strange" and then move on. What about my needs? Putting pictures up of someone else and then when you meet "me" and I am 250 lbs of chewed bubble gum with a limp and a skin disease? YEP! Women should care about a man's personality, right? Not to mention beauty is only skin deep. I will admit to being overtly nice, but I just don't get it. When I meet women here they say they want me to be nice, and I am, but then they end up with some guy who treats them like ass. Maybe I need to be more nice?
Oh, and if you don't like Mazzy Star punch yourself in the FACE. That is not a joke...
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Something totally awkward. Seeing how first dates are awkward any way I wouldn't want to upset the natural balance in the universe. Soooo what could be totally awkward? Dressing up like clowns and going to a nice restaurant? Going to Barns and Noble, dressed up like Jesus (you can dress up like your favorite biblical character) and say we are there for a book signing. To "out there for you"? We could just move all the Bibles to the Fiction section of the book store.
Is that still to much? I guess we could just get coffee or a drink then. With the caveat that you will probably have to play a rousing game of either "Who got the better deal" or "Your team". I assure you, these are not merely games but a test of your intellectual property.