If you agree with my "headline", then you're one of the not-retarded ones. A big congratulations to you.
I'm soooo honest and loyal, my family and friends are the world to me, I'm like totally down to earth, oh yeah and I'm new in town, I loooovvvveeee the outdoors, I'm very, very motivated, incredibly driven, always looking for love even though I've been screwed over so so many times by scumbags, so if you're a scumbag don't even THINK about messaging me, don't send a message with "what's up" because I put SO much though into my profile and I'm a special fukkin princess who deserves to be white knighted until the day I die, oh yeah and don't send me cawk pictures because although deep down I love getting them I'm gonna go out and say I hate them so you don't think I'm a slut.
If your profile has two or more of these unoriginal pieces of sh*tI typed above, don't send me a message until you edit your profile, unless you're very attractive. In that case I'll make an exception.
To clarify, I'm not saying most of the cliches aren't true of you or me. I'm sure they are of you, and some are true of me. It just seems that every profile I read has this regurgitated crap in it.
Also, why would you put up pictures that make you look way hotter or less fat than you actually are? Do you not plan on actually meeting someone? What happens if you look thin and hot in your picture, then the dude meets you in real life, and vomits in his mouth? Ever think of that? I didn't think so. Some of you have a really good-looking profile picture, then when I look at the rest, I'm thinking, "How the fuk did you just put on 40 pounds between pictures!?" You women are crazy. Trying to sucker us into your little fantasy land.
About me - I'm not actually this angry, and I'm not an acehole, but some of you broads need a serious wake-up call. If you happen to be one of the .05% (that's point-zero-five, not five) on here who don't have ridiculous emotional baggage, and you don't resemble some kind of troll or gnome, feel free to send me a message.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Let's get drunk so it's not awkward, and if I have a couple too many G&T's, maybe you'll get lucky.