Me: Not a metrosexual. I won't get my nails done with you or cry while watching a Lifetime movie. I will cut down a tree for you, fix your sink or empty your mouse trap. If you are looking for a girly-man you can dominate and hen-peck, I'm not for you. That doesn't mean I won't be attentive to your needs, however. There is a vast gap between a girly-man and a cave-man. I'm in the middle!
I'm a successful, intelligent, well-read, confident business owner looking for a FUN, SMART and SEXY woman. Now that is out of the way, on to the good stuff.
Disclaimer: If you don't "get" this profile, you won't understand me as a person. Please don't bother to send me an email about how I'm "making a mockery" of this dating medium or my profile is "immature". Just go back to reading the boring profiles of men who want to "walk on the beach" or "sit in front of a fire" with you!
I am a 45 y/o man who looks 75. I like to ogle the ol' dames at the swimming pool down at the local old age home. I really dig those bathing suits with the frilly dress bottom thingies that they wear. And don't get me started on how sexy those flowery swim caps are.
I like riding my motorcycle w. no hands whilst playing Bingo on my cell phone. I think I finally have this whole "pyromania" thing under control. But I may be wrong about that... One of my favorite pastimes is grabbing rattlesnakes by the tail.
I also enjoy dumping waste oil into the local rivers, stuffing potatoes in the exhaust pipes of friends' cars, going grocery shopping in just a loin cloth and smoking banana peels. Sometimes I also golf, work out, ride my motorcycles, etc.
I own a business that drills holes in Swiss Cheese. It is very challenging. Plus, I get to eat the drilled out pieces. Actually, I own a construction company that constructs things.
I have always wanted to visit Saudi Arabia while wearing a burka. I love to stand outside of the Home for the Deaf and shout obscenities. For dating, I can get a weekend pass from the warden if need be.
Last read: All things dealing with politics/current events, the 4 pages of instructions that came in my package of clothes hangers (I think I finally understand the theory) and an email about how to enlarge my johnson.
Live, laugh, learn, love and have fun. It isn't that hard. I love to have FUN. I am most certainly not pretentious. But I can digress into geopolitical mode if the discussion merits.
Oh, PLEASE know the difference between "your" and "you're". Also, please have a picture or two. It's 2013; unless you are undercover for the CIA, there is NO excuse for not having pictures posted.
If you have made it this far, congratulations!! On a closing note, I can be serious when the situation merits. If you have any questions, please ask!
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
We could drive around in my '72 Pinto (with no rear bumper) and drink warm Schlitz beer. Catch a buzz and do some donuts on police department lawn.