I am with the love of my life. So, sorry ladies I am off the market, but I am leaving this profile up because, basically I am a man and I am lazy and you never know what the future could bring. Besides, her and I are always willing to have fun with another lady if that is what you are into. We won't say no if you approach us and we like you, that's for sure!
I am also a fetish photographer, so if you want so "risky" photos done for you, I am available for hire or trade.
WARNING!!!! Fluent sarcasm spoken here. If you can't speak the language, then we don't have enough in common to start anything.
WARNING #2!!!! Grammar Nazi resides within. I probably won't correct you on your grammar, but I also will most likely not respond if you can't spell at least half of your words correctly and insist on using abbreviations for everything. Sorry, but I majored in journalism with a minor in English, and was a newspaper editor for several years before finding out I could make more and do less as a graphic designer. And yes, I may misspell a word or two myself now and then, we are all fallible, but at least I make an effort to try to spell correctly, use punctuation and paragraphing. Try to do likewise and we will get along fabulously.
Now lets get down to the basics, shall we?
You can look above for a list of things that I am into. It would be redundant to put it here again. As for the rest ... well, read on if you are brave, insane or just basically bored.
Travel: Only looking for someone in the Spokane/Coeur d'Alene area, as I have found long-distance relationships not only don't work, but they cost a hell of a lot of money. Now if YOU are the one that wants to commute the long distance from where ever it is you live, then by all means, contact me. But if you aren't the one paying the $3 or more a gallon of gas to travel, then I have things I am much more interested in spending my money on then long trips that just leave me tired, broke and frustrated.
Jealousy: Not in my nature. I figure if you aren't into me, then you aren't into me there is no reason to get upset about it. There are a lot more people out there for me to make connections with if someone doesn't want to be with me. I also don't put up with jealousy. If I have a girl that I am friends with, but I am with you, then I am going to be sleeping with YOU, cuddling with YOU and be into YOU. But as soon as someone starts questioning why I am 5 minutes late getting home from work ... it's over. I put up with that kind of crap for 14 years. NEVER AGAIN!
Drugs: Not gonna do them, and not gonna be around people who do them. As I tell my kids, "I don't need drugs or alcohol to make an ass out of myself ... I can do that stone-cold sober."
Alcohol: I am a beer snob. I drink maybe 1 or 2 beers a month, so I make sure that I only drink stuff that tastes good. Life is too short to drink cheap beer. I also hate that feeling of being drunk and out of control, so I just don't do it.
Religion: I am a very spiritual person, but that doesn't really include organized religions. I believe that if one day god comes down here to earth to check up on HIS people, well, he's not gonna arrive in Rome or Salt Lake City. Instead he will arrive a beautiful stream or lake that is just chock full of rainbow trout that are all at least 20" long and he will have a fly pole in one hand and a microbrew in the other.
Sex: Basically I want to bend you over, pull your hair, play out some sexual fantasies until we are both blissfully satisfied, then do some cuddleing on the couch, maybe watch some movies together, and then send you back to your own bed so I can sleep in mine alone.
Did I mention that I have a HUGE problem with someone else sleeping in the same bed as me? I am one of those "heater" people that heats up to about 10,000 degrees calvin when I fall asleep, and I am frightfully addicted to my blankets being on me ... well, at least on one leg. I pretty much have to have the other leg sticking out from under the sheets at all times. And I also lay across the bed diagonally, which is a real hindrance for anyone else trying to sleep in the same bed, well unless they also sleep diagonally, but then they would be sleeping in the spot my cat sleeps in ... and if you think I'm a selfish sleeper, you should really meet him.
Kids: I have two kids that I am like a mother bear with. Mess with them and we have a serious problem.
More sex: So if you have gotten this far there must be something seriously wrong with you already, so I might as well continue with what kind of things that I like. I really love alternative sex stuff, like fantasy roleplaying, and other fun stuff like dress up roleplay, rough sex, and shibari. Does this mean I want to live that kind of lifestle 24/7? That would be a huge NO. This is limited to the bedroom (with bedroom being a flexible place). It also means that I want my partner to be into the same sexual fantasies that I am into so we both can have fun together. Ever thought about breaking into an empty abandoned warehouse and using it for some fun? Well, we might be along then.
But, lets be honest, I'm not ALL about sex and depravity. I am also a funny, laid-back guy who is a graphic designer for a living, a writer by heart a video gamer by desire and a pretty good guy. I like to spoil and be spoiled. Not everyone gets my dry sense of humor though, which I am sure can be pretty off-putting to a lot of people. But for those people that do get it, I am one of the best friends you could have around.
Oh, and I have a truck! Which, lets be honest here, a lot of people find attractive when they need someone to come help them move. Which I am more then willing to do if other favors are presented to me. LOL. Just kidding, I am usually willing to go and help most anyone at anytime. Hell, my ex still calls me at 2:00 am sometimes to give her a ride home from the bar, mainly because I'm pretty much the only person she can count on that won't be drunk also at that hour. Speaking of drinking, I do drink, however, I only maybe drink 1-2 beers a month, and only REALLY good stuff like Guinness, or Hefewiezen. Yep, I'm a beer snob. I figure since I drink so little, it might as well be something that I like. I don't do drugs either, I pretty much can make an ass out of myself stone-cold sober without the need to resort to alternative stuff to do that to me. OOOOOOO..... that reminds me, I am "fixed" also, so no need to worry about those pesky little things like pregnancies! Big plus there, right?
Still here? Wow, you are as sick and depraved as me! I like that. And if you do also, then drop me a line, I will most likely still be a
If you are really daring you might catch my blog at theartofalf.tumblr.com