First things first:
WTF is this new *Intent* deal? Until I meet someone a couple of times or so I have no idea what the hell my intent is & there isn't an option for that. Maybe I'm looking for a relationship, maybe I'm not. So ignore the reply in the *intent* box.
& if I don't freak you out (see disclaimer below), ask for my FB page
ENTP on the Meyer Briggs test:
Those who possess real knowledge are rare.
Those who can set that knowledge into motion in the physical world are rarer still.
The few who possess real knowledge and can set it into motion of their own hands are the rarest of all.
If you suffer from frequent (or even the occasional) "sense of humor" failure, stop reading now. It will save you the time spent telling me how much you hate my profile. If you take the majority of the following seriously you are wrapped WAY too tight & maybe need medicating.
Question: Whats with all the profile pictures of you women with Lions, Tigers & other big cats?? There must be 25 in my immediate area alone....
Ok. Lets get started with this profile thing...
I don't smoke. I don't really care if you do or not. Drug use is a deal breaker tho...
Mis-stating your weight so that the suspension on my bike or my truck collapses is also a deal breaker. BiPolar? pass on by. BTDT once, have NO desire to ever repeat that experience. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why are some of you willing to ride dirt bikes but not street bikes? What's that all about?
Corrective eyewear is ok, corrective underwear is not...
Whats with these strange photos with people smiling & keeping their mouth forcibly closed? Did the meth habit turn your teeth black? And lipstick lighter than your natural(?) skin color makes you look like a burn victim.
ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive people.
EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".
INTERESTING..... a word a woman uses to describe a man who lets her do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
Adventurous: Slept with everyone.
Athletic #1: No breasts.
Athletic #2: Sumo is an athletic event, right?
Average looking: Moooo.
Beautiful: Pathological liar.
Bubbly: HUGE, with scary boobs
Emotionally Secure: On medication.
Free Spirit: .Junkie.
Friendship first: Former slut.
New-Age: Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned: No B.J.'s
Outgoing: Loud and embarrassing.
Voluptuous: Very fat.
Large frame: Hugely fat.
Festively Plump: Santa, without the beard
Down to Earth: Farts, loudly & unashamedly
Seeks Knight in shining armor: Ex-Husband is a psychopath.
MEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic: Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated: Will patronize you all the time
Free Spirit: Banging your sister
Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun: Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking: Arrogant
Very good looking: Dumb as a board
Honest: Pathological Liar
Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle: Insecure mama's boy
Mature: Older than your father
Meet for coffee: Blowjob in your car
Nice guy: Predator
Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit: Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet: Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Respect you as a woman: We split the no-tell motel cost
Sensitive: Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive: Gay
Spiritual: Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable: Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Teddybear: Fat & hairy
Thoughtful: Says "Excuse me" when he farts.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
We need to talk = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner = I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit = I'm gay
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Ok, here's what I know about first dates:
I've just read who knows how many threads on the forums about disastrous first dates & things that people have "forgotten" to mention.
From what I've read so far, I'm not guilty of any of those things. If those threads are anything to go by, I must be quite a catch?
How about a day at the shooting range? :)
btw, my Sundays usually look like this:
And if you got this far: