Hi there, I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos and possibly legal proceedings. I’m fairly well educated, can hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that - I’m generally caring and very honest. I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we’re lucky - both!
* be 20 to 30 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past;
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.
If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.
Ok, on a serious note.
I'm in journalism, and having some fun exploring the field in radio, print, online and broadcast. I have a weekly radio show and I write opinion and news pieces.
I like photography, shooting video, and playing around with graphic design programs. Oh, and I'll kick your ass in Scrabble.
I'm really good at pyrokinesis. Yes, I can start fires with my mind. But baby, I don't want to set the world on fire...I just want to start a flame in your heart.
You should message me if:
If you're good at giving hugs. I judge compatibility based on how well a girl gives hugs. Don't give me that half-assed side squeeze horseshit. Hugs are a sign of affection, so, affect me!
If you're ok with dating a big guy. I'm fat. I'm working on it, and I'm losing weight - the good way - exercise and a change in diet. But it's gonna take some time. Are you cool with that? Then message away - and I promise, I'm worth taking a chance on. Besides, see the below point:
Studies show that the more attractive the person you date is, the likelihood they will cheat on you increases. So, if you want someone faithful - choose me. Of course that brings up the quandary of, if YOU are really hot, you're more likely to cheat on me. But well, I think once you find out what a great guy I am - and once I've slimmed down - I won't have to worry about that.
Oh, and one last request. Someone pointed out to me recently that it's entirely possible a person could have died, and still have an another dating site profile up. The thought of sending a message to a dead girl is a little disconcerting to me, so, if I message you - please respond, even if it's just to let me know you're still alive and want nothing to do with me :)
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
I love being a gentleman and taking a girl out and such, but honestly I'm tired of shelling out tons of money on the awkward, traditional dinner, movie, etc first dates. It doesn't really help me to get to know you that well, and more often than not it doesn't work out, and so where does that leave us? Nowhere, that's where.
So hey, how about this? Can we just hang out? I'm a real person. I'm a published journalist with a weekly radio show. I'm not a creeper or anonymous internet person. So how about we just hang out on the couch, talking and getting to know each other? Or we can go for a walk downtown and check out different shops, or meet up for a few drinks.
I'm an open and honest guy. I'll tell you how I feel, and if you ask me a question, I'm going to answer you honestly. I don't play games. I don't know how, and I don't want to know. Let's just be two human beings getting together and seeing if we're compatible.