If nothing matters in this life, if it's all a great big nothing and you have to embrace just one little thing to deal with the hopelessness instilled by this absurdity, I make that one thing my little doll. I don't know where this little doll is, but wherever she may be, she is probably drinking a****ail and reading the latest issue of her favorite magazine. She stays out late a lot, but my little doll always comes home and holds me while I dream that the world makes more sense. She doesn't belong to a gym so she has a littlepudge on her belly and that always makes me smile because it is so cute and feels so good on mine when we lay on each other. My little doll wonders why I have a television and I tell her that it's just for thedvd rentals, but then I watch football on Sundays when she's still asleep. My little doll doesn't mind that I'm a minimalist and laughs when I get drunk and buy sh*toff theinternet . She smiles when I remind her of her beauty, and beautiful she is. She doesn't care that I'm shallow, she knows that sexual attraction is important for a healthy relationship, and she is just glad that I can't keep my hands away. She tries to crack me, to get inside and figure out what it is I'm thinking about, but she finds herself in an abyss. She is in free fall then, but it makes us both feel so warm. My little doll had a rough past, she didn't have all the things that other girls had, like parents who gave a **** or money or self-esteem, but that's okay, she is growing and learning and has never been better in her life. She is always positive and appreciates the good things in life like music, insane mutterings of a homeless man, foreign films, the sound of breaking glass, and just being comfortable together with another person. My little doll always forgives me when I come home too drunk and say a bunch of sh*tI never meant to say, even though she makes me talk about it the next day. I do the same for her, and we grow together in this way. She never minds when I stay up all night downloading music and I never mind when she makes me hang out with her obnoxious friends. She thinks with her feelings and that always gets her in trouble, but my little doll is happy learning from her mistakes. My little doll gives me the courage to better myself and she draws this from me, as well. My little doll trusts me when I tell her that watching Garden State is a waste of time and I trust her when she tells me that I should really consider eating breakfast more often. She thinks it's funny when I try to write poetry for her, but it makes her feel good even if it is the shittiest verse she's ever read. She never complains, because she's been through enough already, and when I ****, she always puts me in my place. She may have put off college for a few years, but she's happy getting by until she figures things out. **** a career, she says, but she knows she has to grow up some time. Still, she clings to life like a crackhead to a glass pipe, sucking every bit of joy out of it possible, every last grain. She thinks my metaphors are awkward and contrived, but my little doll is happy that I wrote this, and misses me with each passing word. She can't wait to be with me, this little doll that I may never find.