MARRIED Sept 10th 2011!!! I'm just on here checking out the forums... I am happily married to someone I MET ON POF and not interested in dating anyone else....I have posted this SUCCESS story in the forum but you daters may not have time to read forums, so I'm putting it here too as inspiration that good things DO HAPPEN with POF! :-)
I also come on here for my bachelor-dude-friends that get me to critique their profiles, being how brutally honest I am..YIKES!
First a few success tips, then OUR success story:
Market yourself, guys! Take the time to write a good profile statement even if you need help doing so- if a girl reads a no-effort half-a$$ed profile why should she believe you're willing to put any effort into dating her? Be original: "looking for a lady who likes candlelight dinners and back rubs" is old (we read it OVER and OVER on here)...and what does "down-to-earth" and "easy-going" mean? AVOID those terms. Be specific...we WANT to be the girl you've been looking for! Full sentences and proper grammar make a great first impression. A little humour goes a long way. Tell the girls why YOU are THE guy they should date, what sets YOU apart from all the hundreds of others out there! Post photos that show you happily enjoying your favourite activities. And have a catchy tag line...that and your profile statement are the first impression-if those suck, she won't read any further than that...Just be upbeat in your profiles, talk about what you DO want, not about what you DON'T want (you can discuss that over coffee).
Best of luck to everyone else on here fishing....I hope you reel in a "good one" like we did!!! GOOD LUCK GUYS!! ;-).
OUR STORY:We met by email Sept 2005 and had our first date Oct 4th 2005 after a couple of emails and a lengthy phone conversation. (I had learned over five years of on-line dating not to get too involved before a face-to-face meeting because if it's "just not there" but you-or he- thought it would be, it's more difficult to back away, especially if one is still interested but the other isn't.) This was his 3rd first-date on POF-he hadn't experienced a second date yet.
Well we shut Starbucks down, didn't notice until they were sweeping the floor under our table that we were the only ones left and the closed sign was up. It was definitely NOT "love at first sight" for either one of us but we were both interested in getting to know each other better based on not only many common interests, but also mutual curiosity about each other's separate interests.
We decided to hang out, start as friends (keep it non-physical until the timing felt right-which ended up to be about four months, though we've more than made up for that since). We both wanted to be sure we were in it for the right reason, not that there's anything wrong with physically-based relationships, but that was not what either of us was looking for at this time. We were both looking for a long-term companionship and I even went out on a limb on our second date as to tell him that eventually I wanted to be happily married-to someone-not necessarily him-so if eventual marriage was not something he ever wanted for himself then we should discontinue wasting each other's time. Big issues like that are better sorted out immediately before too much time and emotional investment gets wasted.
We did so many fun things while getting to know each other, hanging out-going for walks, cooking dinner together, motorcycle rides, going to hear live music. It was great to get to know each other without the hassle of basing it on the physical, and to be honest, once it gets physical a lot of the other fun activities fall by the wayside. We both had decided to take that new and different approach, which had worked well for me in the past when I had chosen that route. ;-)
So despite his suggestion on our coffee date that people with tattoos have no self-esteem (I have 3 and assured him my self-esteem is well-intact) and despite that the first dinner he cooked for me was so spicy I could barely eat it, and although he's a spice-lover neither could he (but he offered to order out Chinese) we kept dating. He had told his daughters he would never do on-line dating nor would he date a girl with tattoos, and considering they both had tattoos, I was the only girlfriend he ever dated that they actually liked. Never say never.
That's what he said in his toast to me on our wedding day almost 3 weeks ago on 9/10/11. "I didn't want to date a girl with tattoos, but now I'm marrying one!" Our five kids aged 17 to 24, our lovely daughters, his 2 and my one, as well as my handsome 2 sons stood for us on our wedding day, as did his best friend who flew from BC to NS for the occasion. Our children get along wonderfully and we will love each other's children as our own, vows we made to the 5 of them included in our wedding ceremony. Honestly I used to think the "soul-mate" concept was a fairy-tale line of bull concocted by Harlequin Romance writers but now I truly know what it's like to be with my best friend. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me-and vice versa.
We still have hours-long conversations, sometimes I hold the drywall while he screws it in place (he's a carpenter), he shows off pictures of my paintings he saves on his phone (I'm an artist), and I have married into the most wonderful extended family anyone could ask for. He has his friends and I mine (whom we sometimes share with each other) and we have our friends. We do activities together and apart, both being very important. We do things as a couple sometimes and as a family other times as well as spending one-on-one time with each of our (and each other's) kids. We have been together 6 years, lived together 3 of those in our fixer-upper house that has made some progress. We are truly well-suited, happy and very much in love. I have never been so respected and well-treated and he says the same.
POF success DOES HAPPEN.
I know other couples that have met on here, and ended up long-term/married...and some don't tell anyone that they met on-line. It's all a big secret! Nobody hears the good stories-only the nightmare dramas! I say TELL EVERYONE! Dispel the myths and negativity surrounding on-line meeting!
We've never kept it a secret. He brags that his sister gave him her old computer (free), his landlord gave him wireless internet (free), his friend talked him into trying POF (free), so "the best things in life are free." I joke that he's a cheapskate, but we laugh because everyone who knows him knows that's not true. But he admits that he's stubborn and resisted on-line dating himself, whereas I had been doing it for years (and had a 2 year common-law relationship from it (and my ex and his fiancee and dad are still friends to both of us).
I have met many nice guys here, some are still friend
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Do coffee in a safe, mutually agreed-upon location. If they want to chat forever, move on-what are they trying to hide? Did they post their high school pic? (Those fashions are back in style now!) The first meeting won't cost either of you much in time, money or effort, and you may not know if there's "chemistry" yet, but at least you'll know right away if there's NO chance for any. Make sure you're on the same page with your values-money, loyalty, honesty, family, work ethic, goal-setting, spirituality....common interests are not as important as people think because interests change over time, and you can learn from each other. But core values are innate and permeate all the things that you do...make sure your value systems correspond.