FEAR ME, PEOPLE OF EARTH! I HAVE COME TO TAKE OVER YOUR PLANET USING MY HERD OF ORGANICALLY GROWN, GENTICALLY MUTATED RUBBER CHICKENS! SOON, VERY SOON, THEY WILL BE READY AND ALL WILL KNOW MY POWER, AND MY GOAL OF WORLD DOMINATION WILL BE IN REACH!! THE WORLD WILL BE MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Huh? Oh, wait, sorry....wrong transmission....
Actually, my real goal in life is to be a Crazy Cat Lady, but I only have one cat so far..I live with my mom and she will not allow any more cats in the house. Plus I don't have an apple tree, and it's common knowledge that all Crazy Cat Ladies need a high fence around their yard, with an apple tree, so that neighborhood kids can take turns trying to climb the fence and steal the apples, so the Crazy Cat Lady can chase them away with a broom.
Moving on to other things....
First of all I must emphasize that I'm NOT looking for the love of my life just yet. I have no interest in settling down and being somebody's wifey, raising three kids and staying at home to make cookies. I like the whole "single" thing and want to stay that way for a while. I like casual dating. I just want to make friends. I'll say it again... FRIENDS. Not friends with benefits, not f*** buddies, not potential husband, not hang-out-twice-and-we're-automatically-a-couple, no strings, no expectations (other than hanging out and having a kickass time together), and oh Did I mention the word FRIENDS? If you try to make me more than that then I will run faster than Wile E. Coyote with his pants on fire.
I like to walk that fine line between creativity and complete insanity. Movies are my obsession. Cheesy horror, martial arts, cult films, sci-fi/fantasy, action films—all genres are open to me. I especially love old movies---“Casablanca,” “On the Waterfront,” or anything along those lines. I like to go out with my friends—I hit the clubs once or twice a month, and am big on karaoke too. But I am in no way a 24/7 party girl. I used to be, I admit, but I’ve slowed down a lot. I find other outlets for my activities--walking, bike-riding, aerobics. I used to belong to a gym as well, but haven't been able to afford to go back. I don't have a perfect body, but I like to exercise when I get a chance.
I love creativity--guys who consider themselves fun happy crazy freaks, weirdoes, outsiders, mad scientists, or would-be psychos....who would travel an hour out of their way and pay money to see a film that's been out on video for 20 years;who can recite dialogues from movies;who spent their childhood on roller skates;who think Halloween is the greatest holiday; who take the back road to drive around and get lost just for the heck of it;who stay in their car for an extra five minutes because their favorite song is playing on the radio and they don't want to turn it off. People who don't need a reason to do what they do--they just do it.
I'm fiercely independent and stong-willed. I am not possessive or psychotic-I'm all about giving a guy his space (at least, enough space so he can walk the three feet I allow him from the leash I keep around his neck, right after I place the GPS tracking system around his ankle and set up his cell phone so I get all his incoming calls so I know where he is and who he's talking to 24 hours a day.......)
But that does NOT mean that a guy can use me and toss me aside if he doesn't want to hang with me anymore (I'm kind of hard to toss aside--I have ankle weights surgically implanted in my toes....)
I'm not high maintenance--I'm a very loyal and trustworthy friend (kind of like a golden retriever, but I'm not quite as fuzzy, and I don't shed as much, either. And I don't pee all over your shoes or scratch your furniture...unless you want me to). I'm very cautious when it comes to matters of the heart, because I've been burned before--the last time being last Thursday when I set fire to my neighbor's swing set because they wouldn't let me play on their kids' jungly gym.....
I will NOT tolerate being treated badly. I have no problems whatsoever with sending my rubber chickens after you to hang you upside down from a tree and gnaw your toes off if I feel your treatment of me is subpar.
But it's pretty simple.....So long as you don’t find it annoying that I can quote all of “Labyrinth” and “The Princess Bride” from start to finish, think a perfect night can involve pizza and a copy of "Solarbabies," don't mind endless discussions about the latest episode of "Heroes," are cool with jamming to LL Cool J one minute, Kenny Rogers the next, a house/techno DJ after that, and finishing with Bowie’s “Ziggy Stardust,” then we’ll get along just fine.
I DON'T LIKE GAMES......well, okay, I DO admit to having an obsession with Chutes and Ladders and Candyland, but that's it, I swear! Okay, Okay,....maybe I also have a small thing for Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.......and there was that "Labyrinth" drinking game from college, but...other than that, I DON'T LIKE GAMES! (Monopoly, anyone? Clue? Oh, dammit, there I go again!)
Be sincere, kind and HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR!! And you can never go wrong with loving the Muppets.
I just want someone I can chill with and get to know. It takes a while for people to get to know me, but once they do, they're my friends for life..or at least until I kill them off and bury them in my flower garden. (Oh wait...did I just type that? Whoops....)
(P.S. For those who keep asking--The guy in my last pic is my big brother. What is it with men having a problem with girls posting pics of them with other guys anyway?)
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Discussions about how to take over the world using a herd of genetically mutated rubber chickens (but that's really MY plan and I don't want to share it...if you have your own plans, that's fine, but the chickens are mine!!!), followed by getting painted blue and running naked through the woods trying to spear elk....and if I REALLY like someone....perhaps a ritual sacrifice to the Sea Monkey gods, involving fuzzy bunny wabbits and a very large spoon....
Beyond that, I'm open for ideas.