I am a rather outspoken woman. I have no problem speaking my mind when necessary! I am very comfortable being me! It took years to become comfortable in my own skin and I love it! I like who I am and I am not afraid to just be me! I believe I am intelligent and I am seeking a man of the same caliber. I consider myself hard working and ambitious. I am head strong and straightforward. I am kooky and crazy in my own way! You will have to get to know me to see what I mean! I have a strong focus and determination when it comes to getting what I want! I have an education, a career, and a home. I am ready to share my life with a special someone. I prefer a low-key lifestyle at this stage in my life. I do not wish to be out every single weekend. I would choose an evening at home over an evening in a crowded, smoky bar any day! I have traveled a little and have worked hard for everything I have accomplished. I am now looking forward to finding a man to live my low-key life with me! You know the song at the end of the movie The Wedding Singer? If you do, that is what I want ;)
Let's face it, at my age, the fish that used to be in the barrel are dwindling in number, so lets see if you stack up to my extremely high expectations: *******Disclaimer - for all of you researchers and fact-finders our there, I found some of this list in an email years ago and it rang so true to me, that I had to share! I have tweaked it and added to it over time.
1. Please do not have your own mode of transportation. I expect to pick you up and drive you everywhere, including dates that you can't afford to take me on, work, to see your kids and to deliver you to your drug dealer's at 3 in the morning.
2. Please have at least three addictions! I prefer alcohol, pot and cigarettes. Cocaine habit a plus! Please do not share your substances with me as I prefer to buy my own. In fact, please borrow my money to purchase yours!
3. Please live with your mother. If this is not possible because you don't know who she is, then please live in a big house with five other guys and a six foot graffix bong you call "chewbongka". Please have no furniture except a pool table and a kegerator. Your bed, if you have one, should be a futon matress on the floor soaked in cat piss, beer, or both.
4. If I get my way, you will not recognize any of the good things I do. Instead, you should gripe about imaginary things that you obsess about because of your meth addiction.
5. Do not be accountable at all for your actions. Please realize that if your life sucks, it's clearly my fault and I should be a better girlfriend. I would appreciate it if you understood that it's because of my lack of consideration that you are too hungover to work. It is also because of me that you end up in jail, therefore, I will bail you out and you won't have to pay me back.
6. Please have poor credit. It's part of my dream that I have to add you to my cell phone account and bank account because you are unable to obtain these things under the name you are currently using. You must be at least $40,000 in debt. That debt will not include a home or a car because you wouldn't have either of those. If you do, you are automatically disqualified.
7. Always remember: POT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME! In fact, so is beer, and so are other women you don't know. I should come about 8th on the list of important things in your life: behind blow jobs in balboa park but ahead of your family.
8. You must owe back child support that I will help you pay.
9. Please yell at me LOUDLY and OUTSIDE my front door so that I will be evicted.
10. Whatever you do, don't cut your hair, shave, wear deoderant or brush your teeth. Also, wear crappy clothes when we go out... the last thing I need is to feel "proud" to be seen with you. Please spit in public and scratch yourself whenever you can. I would also appreciate it if your pants were so low that everyone is able to see your underwear and/or crack. Nothing says "hot" like pants that don't fit. Sleeveless shirts are a plus.
11. Please always speak and write with poor grammar. The English language is going to hell in a hand-basket anyway, so live it up.
12. Please continue to tell me you will never get back together with your ex and then sleep with her the next day. Please continue to try to get me to take you back and we can start the cycle all over again. I love running around in circles - it is great exercise.
13. The more pre-judiced and homophobic you are, the better.
14. Please do not ever don any attire other than NASCAR hats, beer t-shirts, dad jean shorts, British Knights, any form of flannel, or stone-washed jeans.
15. Always remember that it is OK to bail on plans with me to watch WWF with your buddies. Let's face it, there is nothing more exciting on TV these days right?
16. Oh and if you want to break up with me, please do not even think about doing it in person. Email, IM or a text message is the preferred form of communication when it comes to discussing important life-altering events.
17. Why yes, I would LOVE to be your rebound girl. I am not worth being the main girl.
18. Please believe that it will only take one week to get over your drug addiction; and we can start out fresh each time you mess up.
So...do you meet my needs? If so, don't ever call or write. I love waiting and wondering!
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
I prefer that a man have some of the following qualities (all would be super!); intelligent,professional, established, attractive, driven and ambitious, a sense of humor and an open mind. I have reached a point in life where I am not interested in dating a man with whom I will not have a long-term relationship possibility. I have a big heart and a lot of love to give. Unfortunately, I have not had the opportunity to fully share this with the right man.
Please speak correctly, ie not using seen, holla, yous, yoons,seen etc and have a picture- it is only fair! I am seeking a Christian man that does not drink a lot. I prefer to get together on the weekends. I work a lot during the week and weekends generally work best for me.***Separated = still married; I have ZERO interest in chatting with married men.
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