I've redone my profile to conform to the expectations and approval of the harrumphing middle aged ladies here on the POF Forums, who seem to have a problem with my outlook and activities, given my own middle aged status.
Looking for my soulmate. What I promise to that elusive soulmate, that I may find here in the bountiful waters of PlentyofFish, is a gentle, calm, settled lifestyle commensurate with sailing off into the sunset, celebrating a life well lived and reflecting on the past. In other words - no f*cking fun. What I am offering is, a lifestyle geared to us - OLD PEOPLE. After all, showing any type of youthful vigor or yearnings - at our age - is a turnoff!!! Right? Of course!!!
My favorite activities are attending financial seminars with free lunches, ferrying each other to Doctor's visits, checking the status of our AARP memberships, playing with the grandchildren, and watching Matlock reruns. Gently massaging each others' bunions. Cross checking pill inventories. Grooming each other and trimming each others' rogue body hairs. Wiping the drool from each others' mouths. Repairing my hairpiece. You showing your love by servicing my colostomy bag and fetching my cane. Never letting me forget to take my daily stool softener.
I love surprising my love in the morning with prune juice in bed!.. Alas, bonding. Not only will I remember to put the toilet seat down, I will remember to put that riser you need back on the toilet seat!! Figuring out Medicare billing codes.....together. Scouring the area for early bird dinner and other senior discount specials. Together. Also, from time to time, I love gazing into the love-of-my-life's cataracts, ever so thankful for my soulmate.
I also love to laugh. Only with my soulmate, the love of my life, of course. NEver with any other woman. I will wear those hideously oversized large black square sunglasses that old people wear, only for you. Even if I don't need them, because this will put blinders on towards other women, so I can concentrate 100% of my attention to you, my soulmate. Yes, I will, just for you, offer myself to you, in the purest form, psychologically castrated, a psychological eunuch.
We can even spend countless hours, honing our Bingo skills, and take travelling tours, just us two, in love, throughout the U.S., visiting senior centers and enjoying our middle aged and senior years exploring the joys of Bingo, and maybe Bridge.
I love walking on the beach. Only with my soulmate, however. We can walk hand in hand, extoling the joys of love and companionship. Together. I will again wear those dark hideously oversized sunglass that old people wear, so I can't see the young, beautiful women on the beach. And if they're looking at me, they're laughing, so not to worry. (If I trip over one, or bump into one and/or accidentally have a boob graze, though, I can't help that, because I'll be practically blind with those sunglasses on.)
Also what I envision is - together, as a show of love and dedication - supporting each other in our various old age manifestations of poor orifice control... as a sign of true love. That means you politely ignoring my unintended gaseous escapees, no matter how loud and obnoxious, when I sneeze or get up from my recliner. Likewise, even though they wake me like a savage thunderclap from a deep slumber, (rudely interrupting a dream I'm having about those young women at the beach), I try best I can to ignore your periodic drywall rattling bouts of explosive snore-blasts.. Ah, this is what I envision with my true love in the later years. Which, I guess, according to some here on the forums, is now, considering I need to act more like my age.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
A bingo parlour of your choice. Only after hitting the early bird special at Shoney's, and gazing into each others' eyes, and comparing our respective health issues. Then maybe Matlock and chill. After that? Depends on the status of my prostate inflammation,(I won't ask you for a prostate massage, not on the first date anyways)....... and of course, my Cialis script. If that's all OK, then sailing off into the glorious sunset, just us two, soulmates, in our own Cialis bathtub commercial, while holding hands gently. *Wipes a tear from eye*