WARNING - Long profile ahead!
For simplicity's sake - the CLIFFNOTES VERSION:
I DO NOT drink, smoke, do drugs, drama, beaches, seafood, motorcycles, religion or NASCAR.
If you like it and you want it....you DO NOT have to put a ring on it. (it’s the year 2018 folks, not 1820)
If I interest you, please take the time to read the entire profile...
SAME RACE ONLY.
I am not impressed by overly schmaltzy profiles. Say what you mean...mean what you say - but let's keep it real, ok?
If you're looking for a sweet, simpering southern belle or a raucous redneck...I'm not it.
I am low maintenance, uncomplicated, drama-free, honest and straightforward. Most times NOT politically correct. I color outside the lines. I run with scissors. I don't abide by the rules of "polite" society. I'm not an excellent choice for the faint of heart, the overly straight-laced, or those not in possession of their "man" card.
Army brat, retired Army, now a DAC (Damn Army Civilian) working with the military in a fun and rewarding second career.
The eternal optimist...I don't spazz over the small stuff. My sense of humor is finely honed, snarky, wicked, dry and obscure. I find most things amusing to some degree. If your "flash-to-bang" needs calibrating, you possess "standard issue" humor, or you opted out of the feature entirely, you will likely not understand or appreciate mine. I tend to think outside the box (minds out of the gutter, boyz).
Not a damsel in distress, hence don't require a knight (gallant or otherwise) to blaze a path to my rescue. Also not in need of completion or validation.
I am non-religious. To some, this is not an issue. To others, it is a dealbreaker, so I wanted to make sure I put that out there. I absolutely respect your right to worship as you please - however - MY idea of "help from above" is a sniper on the roof...just sayin.
I have NO ulterior motives, NO hidden agenda, not here to play games. Not in pursuit of a MRS degree, but should Mr. "OHHH HELLLL YEAHHH!!" pop up on radar, I won't run away screaming...probably.
I have NO desire to control or change you. If you have my interest, rest assured, I like you exactly as you are. It is not my style or intent to use and/or abuse you...and I'm too lazy to stalk you.
I'm not broke(n), bitter, jaded, flummoxed, demented or in any other manner adversely affected by life experiences or previous encounters with fellow members of your species. I fully own up to my contributions to the demise of past liaisons.
Fluent in "man-speak".
I'm attracted to the traditional "man's man", "ruff, tuff, and hard to diaper", Alpha personality.
Men with integrity, confidence and a quick wit are MUCH more appealing to me than those who are just another pretty, but otherwise mundane, face in the crowd.
I will admit a preference for military (former/active/retired) men... 5'10" or taller.
I'm an ENTJ - (extraverted, intuitive, thinking, judging). I don't require you to be a rocket sturgeon, but common sense and above average situational awareness would be nice.
I keep myself in good physical condition. Unless you do the same, you cannot fully appreciate the effort and dedication that it requires, and we will likely not be a good match. Age is NOT an excuse to turn into a lardass. Should we meet, you will not be greeted by a sweathog or the cryptkeeper. My age is correct (63), my pics are current, the dates on them accurate, and are exactly how I look NOW...NO makeup, NO filters, etc. Not everyone ages like a President. Not everyone decomposes at 50...or 60+. I have no problem verifying my appearance via facetime or similar media. If you expect to meet me, be prepared to do the same.
Some FAQ/comments and my responses -
Q - "waddup/wazzup/'sup???" A - not a damn thing
Q - "how dey hangin??" A - dey AIN'T hangin, homeskillet. Dey will NEVER hang.
Q - "send me a picture of your ass" A - sorry, my ex said he would prefer I NOT send out his picture.
I don't want to stomp on anyone's feelers. We would make an unwonderful match if YOU:
- don't have a personality/sense of humor tracking with mine. (You interpret my profile as intimidating/arrogant/judgemental/feminazi-ish/ball breaker-y, etc, versus the spirit in which it was intended.)
- are a smoker. Not tryin to bust your chops. I smoked for 34 years. Quit over 11 years ago.
- MUST drink or be medicated to get through the day. I don't drink. I don't mind if you do..in moderation. HOWEVER..if your permanent home of record is LA-LA land, if your grip on reality is influenced by, or dependent upon, distilled or chemical assistance...move on to the next profile.
- are oppressed, depressed, suppressed, obsessed, possessed, re-possessed.......or any other "essed" word. Ditto if you are perpetually pissy and/or a sadsack..prone to moodiness, self-pity, or any other assdart antics.
- look, think, act, and sound....O L D. Gentlemen, it ain't over til they throw dirt in your face. If you are offered soup or sex, and you choose the soup.....shuffle off to the next profile...pleeeease!
- EXCEED the standard definition of "average/FEW extra pounds" for body type. FYI - A FEW extra pounds is 10-15.
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
POF's AGE RESTRICTION POLICY (14 year gap) DOES NOT ALLOW ME to send or receive messages from men whose profiles indicate are younger than 49. MY age preference is 45ish-60.
If your profile indicates you are "looking for someone to marry" or "would like to get married", I'm not what you're looking for.
I love the company of a good man, but not 24/7. I'm seeking an enhanced friendship with a likeminded individual to enjoy quality time, on an adult level...on an on-going basis.
I am NOT looking for one night stands, booty calls or random hookups.
NO WHERE in my profile does it suggest that a raunchy message scribed by an inbred cretin will be warmly received. This was not an oversight on my part.
I am NOT interested in toyboys, and NO, I don't care if you prefer "older women".
NOT interested in married or otherwise attached men.
I realize my profile goes somewhat against the norm on here. If for no other reason...its HONEST. To avoid any misunderstandings and so as to indicate that you are at least somewhat legit - if YOU initiate contact with ME, type the word..."bazinga"... as the first word of your message. Absent this, I will not respond to your message.
I'm not a fan of beaches or seafood... (yeah, I know...I should be shot for that).
Except for this one time, at band camp - (actually, it was a photo op at a biker bar in South Korea, almost 30 years ago) - I've never been on a motorcycle. I'm good with keeping it that way.
How 'bout for a first meet - we rendezvous, maybe for a drink of some sort (coffee, tea, hemlock, etc). If we find each other insufferably obtuse, we diverge flight paths after 15 minutes. No harm, no foul...nobody dies.
Or, skip the "first date" ritual altogether. By the time we meet face-to-face, we will have already engaged in sufficient commo to determine if we have clickage, and I'll know I won't be in the company of a psychopathic axe murderer, or worse....an inhabitant of the far, far left. I'll just invite you over, we'll throw something on the grill and hang out. YOU of course would be the "grill sergeant" - it being a man thing and all..