I don’t want you to know that I cry during movies about animals or that I crave Cinnamon Toast Crunch at night. That I actually enjoy doing yard work because it gives me time to think about you. Or that holding my cat when I’m upset lowers my blood pressure. That if we watch a scary movie, you need to sleep over or I’ll be scared. Or that I talk to myself all the time and get caught often.
I’m very strong inside, holding it down at home-buying an apartment building, just took my munchkins to Disney and have an entrepreneurial spirit, but I’m very soft on the outside. I don’t drink although I’m thinking of starting, I don’t smoke or use drugs, my vice is control and I’m working on it. If I’m really into you, I feel weak because I can’t control you and that frightens me. I text or call you in an attempt to relieve the discomfort I’m feeling and I say all the wrong things.
I like to plan for the future, but that scares you. I used to feel like I was waiting for my life to start, that finding the right guy would suddenly make me happy. I could get lost gazing into a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream for an hour or more just pondering. Now I realize, thanks to someone who recently came and left my life, that I was just spending all of my time analyzing the past to persuade the future. Now I live in the present and I’m having so much fun here! I’m not worried about our plans next month or even next week. I live in now and I feel so free, as should you. To me that means dating as many people at a time as we individually see fit for ourselves.
My time is valuable to me and I tend to impose boundaries on how much of it you get. The more you give (attention, touch, and kisses), the more I give (affection, emotion, passion, physical and time). I’m good at a lot of things that would be considered masculine – I built my house, you need to feel masculine enough to cope. I’m good with my hands, I hope you are too!
I have a spot inside of me waiting for you. Lol…you’re so sick! Am I talking to myself again :) ….. It feels like hollow emptiness, almost like a hunger pang. I am finally aware of all my emotions, the ones that your parents always try to get you to suppress. I know how to deal with them and I am ready for you. Wherever you are is where I want to be. Let’s have fun!