Lots of changes in my life in the last few years, and my outlook on dating is shifting as well. I’m focused more on the present and less on the future, and I’d like to date with that in mind. This is new territory for me, so it’s time for an updated profile.
Dating site guidelines caution us not to write too much, but I always enjoy reading the more detailed profiles over the brief ones. In my descriptions below, when I say “relationship,” it now means anything from a close friendship to casual dating to that someday/maybe life partner who may come into my life at some point. So let's talk a little about:
Friendship + Attraction: For me, any relationship I’d be interested in would be based in friendship, and anyone I would want to be with for the long term (somewhere down the road) would unabashedly be my best friend. That said, the difference between a great friend and a dating partner is the attraction – emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, and sexual! I hear some people say that you know it as soon as you meet someone, and others who say it takes time. I’m open either way.
Honesty/Openness/Kindness/Respect: These are crucial for me in every aspect of life and relationship. They’re a way of life and non-negotiable for me. The best and most loving honesty (and humor!) is tempered with kindness, gentleness, and respect.
Communication: I’m a great lover of conversation, whether deep or lighthearted. And great conversation for me is a balance of speaking and listening, and just being truly present with and for another person. When things get challenging, I’m all for using those communication skills to talk things through and come to resolutions that embody those previously mentioned qualities (see above).
Positive Outlook/Law of Attraction: I invite you to bring your own beliefs and world views to our friendship and relationship. Mine are strongly based in the law of attraction, which says that you get more of what you focus on, so I tend to focus on the positive. I’ve lived according to these principles for many years now, and my life just keeps getting better and better. What beliefs and world views are important to you?
Spirituality/Religion: Spirituality is central for me. Religion, not so much. For me, spirituality is a personal relationship with who I really am and with the Source/Creator/Universe, and it has nothing to do with any “shoulds” or “have tos” imposed by anyone else. I won’t try to talk you into or out of anything. Thank you for showing me the same respect.
Health/Food: I live a healthy lifestyle and eat mostly organic food. I have some food sensitivities that limit what I can eat, and I was never a big foodie anyway. Whatever you choose to eat is fine with me! There are ways to work around those differences without either of us having to sacrifice the kinds of food we love. I also like to walk, do yoga, and just live a natural, healthy, and balanced life. I’d like to date someone who takes good care of himself and also lives an overall healthy lifestyle.
Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking: Not for me, thanks. I’d prefer to date someone who isn’t into any of these, although I understand that an occasional drink doesn’t have to be a big deal. If lots of alcohol and any smoking or drug use at all are on your list, we won’t be a relationship match. No judgment – it just doesn’t work for me.
Lifestyle/Fun: For me, a little time spent in crowds and noise is fun. A lot of time spent with just one other person, or maybe a few other people, is even better. (INFJ, anyone?) I like to get outside and walk or explore, and I also like downtime at home. I like movies, foothills hiking either locally or in Sedona, meandering around places I haven’t been before, and plenty of good conversation no matter what I’m doing. I also love reading, writing, and music, and one thing I would like to do is learn to dance – a beginner class would be the place for me. Trust me on this. Footrubs and backrubs are also on my list, both giving and receiving.
Weight and Appearance: I find that my attraction to another person doesn’t necessarily depend on his weight or on what most people would consider to be attractive. It’s an energy thing, and it’s about the whole person, not just the physical appearance. It matters to me that you care about your health and treat your body with respect, but the numbers on the scale and your hairline just aren’t all that important to me. While I’m reasonably happy with my weight at the moment, it does tend to fluctuate, so if you have strict guidelines about the weight of the woman you date, I’m not the one for you.
Beauty/Femininity/Clothes/Shoes/Hairstyle/Make-up/Jewelry: What the what?! I’ve met a surprising number of men in my age group who want to meet “a sweet, feminine gal who loves to wear skirts and heels…” or something similar. Cool – I hope you find her, but she’s not here. If my feet are happy, the world is a beautiful place, and my feet are happy in sandals or hiking boots, depending on what I’m doing. I couldn’t be any less interested in dressing to impress other people, and if someone’s attraction to me depends on my clothes/shoes/hairstyle/make-up/jewelry or anything similar, it’s conditional attraction anyway. My dating partner and I will be attracted to each other, not to the outerwear. True beauty transcends the packaging.
Belize!!: I have to talk about Belize, because I’m in love with the place and I do plan to retire there. I understand that not everyone wants to live in a freaking gorgeous tropical rain forest, so that will definitely be a consideration in the dating world. I plan to go back every year or two to scout out the best possible places to live in the country. For that someday/maybe consideration: How do you feel about heat and humidity? How about lush jungles, gorgeous beaches, Mayan ruins, a low cost of living, and far more cultural diversity than you might expect in a small Central American country?
Time and Space: In the dating world, I’d love to find a healthy balance of togetherness and space that works for both of us. I need time and space to write and create, and just to enjoy some solitude. And in a dating relationship, I’d also like to spend time with you. Balance is key!
There's more, but I had to edit for space. Thoughts? Questions? Things to add? If you send me a message, please let me know which parts of my profile interested you and let’s get some conversation started. If not, take care and happy fishing!
All the best to you,