Ok after being on here a while i feel a small update is necessary, could be viewed as a moan lol but i'm saying it anyway. My name is Hayley not babe, babes, hun, hunny, sexy etc etc etc.
Also got to say i DO NOT use IM find it really in your face, i have no objection to swapping msn addresses and chatting on there once we've exchanged a message or two but please dont IM me i'm only going to close the window.
44 yr old single mum, low mileage, reasonable body only three previous owners looking for a careful driver but not a back seat one lol.
Sooooo about me i have a good sense of humour so i'm told, can be sarcastic but not in a nasty way unless you ask for it, yes i can hold an intelligent conversation but can be as daft as a brush also, female, goes with the territory i'm afraid.
I love reading, walking, water aerobics when i can, computing, learning new things, meeting new people all types of music but the usual girly rubbish on tv i,e the soaps i do also love action films though so an even balance me thinks, not a fan of football but thought the damned united was an excellent film.
i'll give my mouth/fingers a rest now, anything else you want to know just ask
Proper weight control cannot be attained by dieting alone; however, many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require much (or any) physical exercise.
Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.
Beating around the bush . . . . . . . . .75
Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . . 100
Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . . 150
Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50
Passing the buck . . . . . . . . . . . .25
Pushing your luck. . . . . . . . . . . 250
Making mountains out of molehills. . . 500
Hitting the nail on the head . . . . . .50
Bending over backwards . . . . . . . . .75
Running around in circles. . . . . . . 350
Climbing the ladder of success . . . . 650
The Wrong Side of the Law
I was driving down the M1 in mid January ( going a little faster than I should ). I passed under a bridge only to see a police officer on the other side with a radar-gun. He pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk asked "Runway too short?"
To which I replied "I'm late for an appointment ".
" So, what do you do for a living?" he enquired.
" I'm a Rectum-stretcher ".
" What the hell does a Rectum-stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four. Then my whole hand in, working it side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the opening until its about 6 feet".
Questioningly and cautiously the officer asked " And just what do you do with a six foot a***hole?"
" You give him a radar gun and get him to park behind a bridge ".
Speeding ticket £100; Court costs £45. Look on Copper's face: Priceless.
The Irish Daughter'
The Irish Daughter had not been to the house for over five years. Upon her return, her father cussed her: "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate? Why didn't you write us, or drop us a call - you little tramp!! Don't you care what you put your Mother through???"
The girl, crying, said 'sniff sniff'... "Dad, I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT??!! Out of here you shameless harlot, you Hussy, Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Family - I don't ever want to see you again!!"
"OK Dad, if you say so. I just came back to give Mum this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten-bedroomed Mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million. For my little Brother this Gold Rolex, and for you Daddy - the spanking new limited edition Mercedes convertible, plus a lifetime Membership of the Country Club' Additionally an invitation for the whole family to spend Christmas and New Year aboard my 80ft Yacht cruising the Mediterranean" 'sniff sniff'.
Clearing his throat he said "What was it you said you had become?" 'sniffing' " A prostitute Dad"
" OH, Be-Jesus, you scared me half to death. I thought you said a Protestant. Come and give your old man a big hug!"
Don't argue with the Surgeon
A mechanic was working on a BMW when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. He shouted across the garage "Hey Doc., can I ask you a question?" The Doctor joined him. "So Doc., look at this layout. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them all back together again, and when I'm finished, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work??
The surgeon smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running".
Don't mess with women!
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock too."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be 10 times richer that you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story. Women are smart, dont mess with them.