***New and improved! Now with 8% more sarcasm!***
Buy you food.
Help bury the body.
Try to stay awake when you put in The Note Book.
Show you off to my friends.
Respect you, your friends, and your family.
Take turns cooking dinner. (And do the dishes.)
Change the brakes on your car.
Touch your butt.
Make plans for a surprise mini road trip.
Send you Avett Brothers lyrics.
Laugh at you when you do goofy things.
Pretend I forgot your birthday and then surprise you at work.
Make your pets fall in love with me.
I will not...
Steal the covers back after you stole them from me.
Protect you from snakes. (Sorry you're on your own.)
Change the TV channel when you're not looking.
Ignore your texts.
Eat all the bacon strips.
Wipe my nose on the couch.
Judge you for having more than 2 cats.
Tell you, you've had too much wine.
Leave the toilet seat up.
Forget when we have a special date night.
Get angry when you laugh at me when I do goofy things.
The cool side of the pillow.
Mirco brew beer.
Well timed sarcasm.
3 hour long movies.
Hallmark channel movies.
The third Matrix movie.
People with no side burns.