Why the hell does every woman's profile say that they "have no time for games" you mean to tell me if I came over with a Parcheesi box under my arm you wouldn't play with me?? Does Parcheesi even come in a box? I know I do! OOH!
Also, I'm not a Scorpio! I don't know why it says that and I don't know why people find that to be a good attribute? I don't need an explanation either.
Thanks for taking the time to look at my profile. You're about to find out in 30 seconds or so that you've wasted 30 seconds of your life looking at me, but what's 30 seconds, right? First I'd like to say, I currently hold the record for using the phrase "30 seconds" in a dating profile! Chicks dig a guy with a trophy, but of course now I have you thinking "why in gods name would I talk to a guy that's good for only 30 seconds of anything????" Well let me tell you what else I can do in 30 seconds, you might be surprised how appealing it can be. I can walk in 30 second bursts, I can chug 2 beers in 30 seconds, I think I'm winning an argument with a woman for 30 seconds (just for full transparency sake this time frame can vary from 0.01 seconds to 30 seconds), I once spent 30 seconds thinking I could sprout wings and take flight, but as Rick James so eloquently opined, cocaine IS in fact one hell of a drug! See, 30 seconds of sh*tisn't always bad...
Anyway enough of that, lets get down to brass tacks! (30 SECONDS!!!!!) This is the part where I talk about how great I am and how I'm looking to find someone to make my days into my nights and nights into days; all that cliche horse pucky ----perhaps the greatest clean way to say horse sh*t know to man! In all reality you and I both know the chance of meeting your soul mate on a free dating website is slim to not a snowballs chance in the depths of hell. So why am I here then "she asked?" Why indeed my little temptress! I guess I'm here to see if I can find a sugar momma to buy me a bunch of sh*t and deal with the fact that I want to sleep with women under the age of 60 (which is the age of said sugar momma in my mind) Or perhaps I'm here because I'm sick of the bar scene? NOPE! I love to drink! So at the end of the day I'm here because I don't know how to meet women in 2014, also I've used this site in the past and met some nice women and some not so nice women, oddly enough I enjoy a not so nice woman as much as a nice woman, glutton for punishment?
So what does your knight in really dull armor look for in a woman?? Well I'll tell you. I look for someone with a sense of humor, big boobs, a good head on her shoulders, big boobs, someone with a career, big boobs, an independent type, big boobs, and an all around caring nurturer. Oh and of course I wouldn't want to leave out...A big heart, right behind her big boobs.
So take me with as many grains of salt as you wish, this was meant to make you laugh, not meant to motivate you to send me terse e-mails about what a pig I am, because I know I'm a pig, but at least I'm honest about it and if we don't have honesty then this is just not going to work!!!
PS: I don't go for this crap about not discussing religion, politics or sex in the initial conversation. It may be the first three things I decide to talk to you about, in my opinion if you can't have an adult conversation about those topics then we have no business talking...I'm one for throwing caution to the wind (solar powered wind of course)