Looking to have a real tragic love affair, quit my job and become a bum because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
Whenever a guy asks me to define Love, I think for a minute, then spin around and pin the guys arm around his back and ask "who's asking the questions now?!"
To hang with me you should be open to the following:
1. Watching horror movies in the tent, in the middle of the mountains or the middle of my backyard.
2. Fruit loops in the morning are a must on ski days.
3. Rainy Saturdays = Morning cartoons and afternoon movies.
4. I have broken a lot, 'A LOT' of bones, you will outdo me at most events but that's ok, I like when you puff up your chest and brag, it's charming and endearing.
5. I'll carry our tent in my pack and race you up the switchbacks to a Mountain top lake to camp for the weekend but understand that I'm low maintenance, I don't pack my eyeshadow or hairspray, I'd expect the same in return.
6. When we go off exploring on our bikes and you make a wrong turn and get us stuck in thick, scratchy brush for two hours I will tease you and laugh at you but I will not pout, whine or throw a fit.
7. On occasion, I need to fall asleep to a re-run of 'Threes Company' or 'The Muppets'.
8. I'm cute, in my Flames jersey, beer in hand, yelling at the TV with you and your buddies or with my hair up, martini in hand out with the girls.
9. I'll go to church if my mother's in town and I can recite all Trailer Park Boy quotes verbatim.
10. I'm a closet Monster Truck fan and occasionally snore, you should own a set of ear plugs.
11. Hedo was on the Bucket List, made for great stories and fun photos but not my lifestyle...so settle down!
I ski out of bounds at Sunshine.
I skinny dip at Little Beach.
I collect porn cards in Vegas.
I smell like Lobster and sleep under the stars in Fundy.
I stalk Keanu in L.A.
I eat three cupcakes a day in Manhattan.
I listen to bad eighties music loudly in my room.
I enjoy a cold beer in a hot shower to perk up the evening.
I cheer for the German Soccer team. Uber alles.
I want to be taught and take up rock climbing on a regular basis.
Dislikes: Cigarettes, Mufflers, Fan belts, Speeding tickets, Insurance companies, Crocs, Broken bones, Crutches, Aircasts, Spearmint Gum, Snow on May-long, Nuts in things, and all Robo Cop movies.
An honest moment: Hate to say it but I'm not your Baby, Bella, Cheeka, HottieMcHot, Sunshine, Sweet Cakes, Sweetheart, Chiquita, Toots! Passion Puss, Sweetums, Doll, Vixen, Bad Girl, Princess, Sweetie, Hunny Bear, or Your Queen ..... at least not yet.
First dates are like a job interview but with a lot more coc-tails involved.
The real dates would come later after meeting a couple of times and figuring out whether we are worthy of each others creative first, second, and third date plans.
What do you do at the end of the date when you know you never want to see this person again for the rest of your life? What do you say? No matter what you say it’s a lie “ I’ll see you around!” …I’ll see you a-Round …if you’re around and I’m around then I’ll see you around that area …you’ll be around other people, you won’t be around me, but you will be a – ROUND. “Take care now!” Have you ever said that to someone? …Take care … Now …”Take care, cause I will not be taking care of you, so you should take care … Now”! Take care? What does that even mean….Take off, isn’t that what you want to say?! “Take off now, get outta here.”
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