I'm a completely open book while retaining an air of mystery. I'll be completely obsessed with every aspect of your life, but also have a full life of my own. I can cook gourmet-quality butternut squash risotto in under 25 seconds. I'll celebrate your body by writing and performing an original 16-minute song about it every time you see me. I have a great relationship with my mom and I would kill her if you asked me to. When we're at a restaurant together, I treat the waiter with dignity by giving him a lengthy soft-sponge chamomile tea foot bath.
I make you laugh so hard that you die, go to heaven, meet any dead people you’d like to talk to, then come back alive with an extra $10,000 in your bank account.