Imagine 328.314 pounds of love, jogging down the beach in a banana hammock (no pictures please)! In slow motion, sweaty man breasts are bouncing to the rhythm of the river dance music playing on his iPod. The sunlight glistening in the beads of sweat, trickling down from the top of his head as his long, brown back hair flows in the breeze! Mmmmmm.... Niiiiiiice! Okay, now let me tell you a little about myself!
I am "Terminally Teenaged" at heart. If you are looking for your "Prince Charming", he is not here. I distracted him with a large mirror and a tube of hair gel. I stole his horse. Giraffe riding isn't as easy as it looks!
I'm originally from Jersey, moved to Florida then, halfway back. Please do not ask me about Jersey Shore, Snookie, or the rest of those useless, drunken Umpa Lumpas. I am not nor is anyone I know from Jersey, anything like them. I only fist pump to Billy Idol.
I love FIRE! Give me attitude! Stand up for yourself! Tell me when you disagree with me! I absolutely adore an affectionate woman who can flip a switch and go off when she is annoyed, upset, or when we are at odds! Give it to me, full gore! Bottling things up or kissing my buttocks accomplishes nothing!
And please, no little girls fresh out of high school graduation or drop outs. I've no interests in being your "daddy" or "baby daddy" We will have very little in common and I prefer WOMEN! Women who don't take bathroom "selfies" in a dirty mirror, performing duckfaces with the toilet (seat up) and piles of laundry in view! Thanks!
A snippet about me with translation:
Eclectic: Weird and Eccentric.
I Love Music: Free your mind and your ass will follow!
I Work Out: Will sweat and smell on occassion.
Will not always tell you what you want to hear: I will not kiss your ass and please, do not insult my intelligence by kissing mine.
Think for yourself and, be WHO YOU ARE!
Educated and Literate: Knows ABC's and 123's. Please be able to do the same (pet peeve).
Have all my teeth: I brush and floss.
I do not have all of my hair: I have been misplacing some of mine throughout the years.
Love a Variety of Foods: I'm Italian and Hungarian.
Anti Politically Correct: Euphemisms suck. Lookup George Carlin and "Soft Language" and you'll get my meaning.
I'm not getting any younger and as such, I go to the gym at least four days a week. I refuse to grow old gracefully and, I do what I can to take care if myself. Call me narcisistic.
Important fact: I AM a dork and am proud of it! I have a tendency of saying a lot of random things! My sense of humour is... Welll.... Lettuce just say, I'll joke about anything even at my own expense and enjoy it. I would love someone with whom, I can do this with.
I haven't the time or inclination for bull.
If you are easily offended because of honesty and are overly sensitive, please move on. I am not the kind of person who will change to fit your mold. I am who I am. I'm not rude. I just would rather be clear and concise. Full disclosure, no surprises! :-)
Update 01/20/2014: My pets consist of one dog, one cat, two Ball Pythons and a rather large Savannah Monitor Lizard. If anyone has any phobias regarding any of the aforementioned, please be aware.
It has been suggested to me by some, that I should "tone it down a bit". That is not me. I would rather be loathed for who I am than loved for who I am not. :)
Anything that involves the ability to actually speak WITH and, get to know one another without much distraction. Something simple, non-intimate and fun!
Or we could just brush my dog's teeth.