Happy Leap Year Everyone.
Hmmmm. I think I’m going to take an entirely different approach here. I’ve tried honest, funny, contemplative, blatant, historical, story telling… but now… I’m going to approach you guys the way you approach me, and see if that works any better.
I’ll keep it brief. I’ll tell you I’m easy going and sharp as a tack. I work hard and play harder. Yeah yeah, that’s it. I’ll list my job as “entrepreneur” which really means I’m unemployed, but you won’t see through that at all. Then I’ll tell you that I’m looking for my soul mate. But my soul mate has to be 10-15 years younger than me, because everyone tells me I look 25, so it must be true, and therefore, I must deserve a 25 year old. Then I’ll say that I’m not looking for a supermodel, but only pick “slender” or “athletic” as body types I’ll consider.
Then I’ll wink 3 times. I’ll send you a quick note and tell you you’re sexy. Even better, that you’re “HAWT” and that I want to treat you like a king. That could involve a shoe fetish. Or a shopping spree. Maybe try to involve you in a threesome, because my husband likes your body, or maybe just skip to the sexting. And if that doesn’t elicit a response from you, then I’ll come up with something dirtier. That will surely do it. I mean, gosh, what guy doesn’t want to be objectified, right? Right. It’s gotta work.
And if I still don’t get a response from you, or if you politely tell me you don’t think we’re a good match, then I’ll just rip you to shreds with my words, and hope you understand my pain and frustration even though my insecurity has absolutely nothing to do with you and your kind rejection.
Sarcasm. It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true. And that’s only the tip of the iceburg.
Truly, I’m looking for The One. Because I don’t want to be here anymore.
And to end with a daily affirmation: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. Email me something serious if you’re one of them.
I am soooo bad at planning dates... I come from a long line of micromanagers... so I'd just as soon leave the planning to someone else. Therefore I humbly leave that in your hands. I'd like to stay away from extreme sports on the first date, but ya know... I'm pretty open to suggestions.