Konichiwa ****es. Are you looking for the most kick-ass ****ing female that ever lived? If so, look no further. You just ****ing found her.
I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave sh*tout, I'm just like, "Oh sh*tI better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I shut doors behind me. I bring snacks. I drive friends to work. I'll smoke you out. **** it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My ex boyfriend was a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking french ass and southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that sh*tin bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's ****ing FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your ****ing socks off.
I also read a lot. I ****ing LOVE books. All that shit. ****ing smart. Do you like movies? I ****ing love them. We can watch the sh*tout of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or have a smoke session, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!
Are you going to love getting baked and listening to all kinds of brutal metal? going to metal concerts? WHENEVER THE **** YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James ****ing Taylor. AWWWWWW sh*tYEA!
A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" I have no idea why they ****ing ask that. I'm from California! And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I ****ING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty ****ing cool right?
Wanna chill the **** out? I'll bring a shitload of weed and Arizona teas for the trip. Though, you can expect the weed to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you sh*talready!
Am I interested in your conversation stylings? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! Message me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 men I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation female who consistently blows your ****ing mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.