Its pretty simple..i spend the majority of my time laughing..telling d*ck jokes and shi**ing rainbows..im a dingy unicorn..sometimes jaded..always a realist..my anger stems from the realization that i will never get the chance to be the lead singer of Earth,Wind and Fire..im far from contemporary..so no..i will not know the words to a Miley Cyrus song..nor will i watch any form of reality tv with you..i have a passion for the classics..stars of the silver screen and music of generations that came before me..ive never been incarcerated and i bend the brims of ALL of my hats..i love kids..but dont ever want my own..i will take on any dare thats put infront of me..a personality glitch? Maybe..but a sh*tload of fun..7&7s are my poison..i curse like a sailor .. drink like a fish..and i smoke like a fire..i can relate almost any situation to a movie..i know every step to Thriller..i prefer Looney Tunes to Disney..im a severely picky eater..which makes me a cheap date..im not flashy..i dig ratty muscle cars and ripped jeans..my friends are maniacs and my weekends tend to spiral out of control quite rapidly..my mother raised me with old fashioned values..and respect..im my mind chivalry is not dead..but immortal..i get along with everybody..especially old people..in truth i feel i should've been born in the 1940s..i was raised catholic..but after the age of 12 realized im a devout atheist..a student of science..and a believer in fact..im happy..fun..and looking to find a real connection with a lady of class and respect..im not searching for my other half..because i am whole..im a comedian..and everything is a joke..but i can be painfully serious depending on my mood..if you're reading this..and you dont think im an a**hole..drop a message..
And finally..if you dont see the humor in any of this..please dont message me..i like to push buttons and have fun..this profile is for your entertainment..and mine..mixed with a little truth..im happy . i enjoy laughter over all things..except birthday cake..i freakin love birthday cake..i hope this profile hasnt offended you..but on the off chance it did..odds are we wouldnt be a good match..good luck..becareful..and keep smiling;))
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Asking in your outside voice "when do we eat?" During your girlfriends sisters wedding ceremony #reason237whyimsingle..
Asking your new girlfriend if her 5yr old daughter is returnable #reason456whyimsingle
Meeting your girlfriends parents and realizing her father was your arresting officer #reason94whyimsingle
That awkward moment when your girlfriend awakes at 6am to see you halfway out her bedroom window holding two pairs of her panties and her purse #reason63whyimsingle
Suggesting that the only fair and logical way to decide on whether or not to get engaged is a best out of three game of rock scissors paper #reason179whyimsingle
Pointing out the striking resemblance of your girlfriends mother to an actress from a Ron Jeremy movie....#reason193whyimsingle