I am Eric's ego...my main function is to build up Eric's already substantially sized sense of self importance by further inflating this with delusions of granger and a false confidence of epic proportions...I am Eric's ego...and I serve my purpose well
I am Eric's liver my main function is to keep Eric's body free from harmful toxins...as Eric's liver my job has become increasingly difficult and I am no longer able to function as I once did...this is not a reflection of Eric's body as a whole...but more of a reflection of his inability to refrain from consuming staggering amounts of cheap bottom shelf liquor and reeling and passing out in the streets..I AM ERICS LIVER...
I am Eric's heart...my main function besides pumping life giving blood thru Eric's body...is to give the women in Eric's life something to hold onto as they tear me from his chest...I also make it impossible for Eric to feel actual emotion as I've turned to stone many years ago...I AM ERICS HEART
I am Eric's brain....my main function is to keep Eric blissfully distracted and entertained with horribly depraved thoughts and a general distain for society and conformity...I also function to overfill Eric's thoughts with meaningless facts and dates that in no way benefit him in life in any way shape or form...I AM ERICS BRAIN
I AM ERICS ANGER...my main function is to keep Eric minutes away from having an aneurism at all times...I also function to keep Eric at a constant state of agitation while driving...and giving Eric a horrible and jaded outlook on life in general...as Eric's anger my duties have only gotten easier since he decided to join the world of online dating,a sometimes gross and shocking display of humanity,POF has lowered the perverbial bar and gave Eric an even sharper and more pronounced hatred of the human condition.....I AM ERICS ANGER
I AM ERIC's compassion or lack there of...as Eric's compassion my job doesn't carry much responsibility...as Eric is about as compassionate as a middle eastern dictator...society has inflicted this state of harshness onto Eric and he is a stark unflinching reflection of his perception of all mankind .I AM ERICS COMPASSION
I AM ERICS SENSE OF HUMOR...my main function is to find the most tasteless and depraved subjects for Eric to amuse himself with...I also keep him appeased by making it easy for him to laugh at the misfortune of others...and supplying him with endless jokes about life,homosexuality,beastiality,cancer,suicide,midgets,racism,sexual harassment,the clubbing of baby seals,red meat,tourists,rich people,big spiders(cause they just creep me the f#*k out)and ofcourse the most ridiculous,pointless and at times down right immoral topic and root of all things hilarious..RELIGION!..I AM ERICS SENSE OF HUMOR
I AM ERIC'S PERSONALITY...my main function is to keep Eric out of his own head and contributing to an ever decaying society...I also make it possible for Eric to connect with every mentally disturbed and borderline psychopath in a 50 mile radius...as Eric's personality I am the drive that makes it possible for him to explore his inner lunatic and express himself as such...I AM ERICS PERSONALITY
IF YOU DIDNT ALREADY REALIZE..THESE ARE JUST JOKES..JUST HAVING A LIL FUN..
Asking in your outside voice "when do we eat?" During your girlfriends sisters wedding ceremony #reason237whyimsingle
Asking your new girlfriend if her 5yr old daughter is returnable #reason456whyimsingle
Meeting your girlfriends parents and realizing her father was your arresting officer #reason94whyimsingle
That awkward moment when your girlfriend awakes at 6am to see you halfway out her bedroom window holding two pairs of her panties and her purse #reason63whyimsingle
Suggesting that the only fair and logical way to decide on whether or not to get engaged is a best out of three game of rock scissors paper #reason179whyimsingle
Pointing out the striking resemblance of your girlfriends mother to an actress from a Ron Jeremy movie....#reason193whyimsingle