What am I like?
I guess my overall personality is somewhat like an absent-minded professor (but without the lab coat, pocket protector, or coke-bottle glasses) / Bart Simpson (but without the police record). It leaves me with one foot planted firmly in adolescence and the other in adulthood (more or less, it depends on the situation).
I’m 6'1-2" depending on how much sleep I had the night before, 240 Lbs, long legged (34-34 in my 505s), medium build, short brown hair, and blue eyes. I come complete with a full complement of the correct number of appendages and organs, move bipedally, and employ opposable thumbs. I have a powerful sense of humor, with a wicked streak of sarcasm twisted in. I have no problem finding something hilarious around me (that includes laughing at myself as well).
I’m a practical and realistic person. You know about people will ask you if you see a glass as half-full or half-empty? Here’s my take: If you’re filling it, it’s half-full. If you’re drinking from it, it’s half-empty. If it’s sitting there on the table, static, unchanging, it’s simply half a glass. Just calling it like I see it.
I am an absolute believer in that right is still right even if everyone is against it, wrong is still wrong even if everyone is for it, and that you fight for what’s right regardless of the odds against you. If you like meek, mousey, metro-sexual, or new-age “men” (a word that I use very loosely in this context) please be advised: we will not get along.
I do like animals, cats in particular, but I don’t require or expect you to. I DO expect you to swerve AWAY from one were you driving down the street. I do however hate most insect life. Feel free to destroy as much as you want, by any means you see fit.
I’m versatile – much like a self-propelled Swiss Army knife. I am very old school and do all the typical things a typical man does:
I’ll run to the drugstore in the middle of the night if you need something,
I’ll hold your hair and rub your back if you’re throwing-up with the flu,
I’ll take you to the doctor if you’re sick,
I’ll give you my umbrella if it’s raining, and give you my coat if you’re cold,
I’ll open and hold the door for you, and hold your hand or arm when we go for walks,
I’ll ask you how your day was and actually listen,
I’ll carry the groceries in from the car,
I’ll change your tires when you get a flat,
I’ll care for the pets when they’re sick,
I’ll shovel the sidewalk and the driveway,
I’ll kill the bugs that get in the house, and the hornets nest outside the house,
I’ll clean the litter boxes and take-out the garbage,
and a great many other things I just can’t think of at the moment.
As well as the not so typical things:
I’ll recover the files you accidentally deleted from your hard drive (PCs only – not Macs),
I’ll repair all of the appliances and machines that break,
I’ll make sure the heat and air conditioning work,
I’ll clear the drains when they get clogged with hair,
I’ll fix your car when it breaks,
and again, a great many other things as well.
My music tastes are far too vast to list here, but they range from big band to electronica, Rat Pack to John Williams, Beatles, Gershwin, Rita Coolidge, Christiana Aguilera, even Lady Gaga (a few). Most anything from the 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s. I can't say I'm crazy about Rap, Hip-Hop, or the like. (Although I do like the Black Eyed Peas, for some strange reason.)
Movies I enjoy: most James Bond flicks (I love the toys “Q” comes up with), Overboard, Solider, Witness, What women want, K-19, Dune, Top Secret, Airplane, A Christmas Story, Blade Runner, Forrest Gump, Field of Dreams, Groundhog Day, Animal House, the Indiana Jones series, and a few more.
Movies I loathe: Halloween, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre or any other movie that glorifies the slaughtering of stupid people by nearly indestructible psychopaths. While the prospect of thinning out the low-end of the gene pool is tempting, there's enough misery in this world as it is; I don't see the need to glorify it further as "Entertainment". In a word – Yuck!
TV I like: Most anything on TLC, History Channel, Discovery Channel, Jay Lenno, David Letterman, and some things on Spike, Comedy Central (South Park for one – I know, it’s awful, but I just can’t help it – thou art male), and of course, a few more.
TV I can’t stand: Jerry Springer or any other remotely similar White/Trailer Trash" type shows. Any show that highlights and profits from the colossal and overwhelming stupidity of others. (What’s the point? Congratulations, you’re the dumbest thing on two feet?) I've always been one who believes in raising the bar rather then going for the lowest common denominator. I would suppose that’s one reason why I’ll never be able to work for broadcast television.
Now that I’m thinking about it, it would be easier to spell-out what I'm not looking for rather than what I am. After all, there are as many types of people as there are people. First off: I AM NOT looking for an endless harem of women. A good, reliable, (sane), woman is worth more than ten in the bush. (Or up in trees, down alleys, behind dumpsters – NO stalkers, please) I suppose a few qualifying questions are in order as well:
* Are your eyes yellow, red, or purple (without contacts – bloodshot not included)?
* Do you uncontrollably howl at moonlight?
* Are you now, or have you ever been, in a witness protection program?
* Have you ever woke-up covered in blood, but only to find there's not a scratch on you?
* Have you ever found yourself starting sentences with the words: “I like to stalk guys because…”?
* Have you ever found yourself writing the word “redruM” across from mirrors?
* Do you use a file instead of a toothbrush for oral hygiene?
* Do you feel any incessant need to keep oddly combined things together in the trunk of your car? IE: rope, duct tape, boat anchors, and perhaps say, a meat cleaver?
* Do you receive Christmas cards, calendars, or coupons from any bail bonding companies?
* Are you taking any medications (prescribed or otherwise) that would fall into the class of drugs known as “Psychotropics”?
If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, we probably wouldn’t be a good match. While I do realize this does set the bar kinda high, a man must have some standards.
Here’s the bottom line - I’m a real person with real wants and desires. The only one thing I’m asking of you, now, is that you’re real. That you really want someone new added to your life, and that you really have the time for it. I’ve made the commitment, and the time – I’m good to go! If you are as well, then we already have at least one thing in common.
Let’s see if we can find a few more.