I just moved to Houston and work with subsea engineering. It's pretty awesome. I also write comedy articles because weird crap happens to me. So, just get on board now because if you hang with me long enough you will get licked by a hobo or trapped in a wind tunnel full of squirrels and bees. It's happening. If you are okay with it, then let's go get a beer.
The following screen names are wildly unattractive:
That said, I'm not going to list a whole bunch of things that I demand my ideal partner have or not have. Who knows, maybe I will discover that I love looking at your collection of skin flakes shaped like celebrities and political figures. I know what I want and you probably do as well... But meeting new people can be fun even if you don't see yourself marrying someone who grows nose hair competitively.
I think Billy Joel might secretly be the same person as Richard Lewis who I'm pretty sure is the crypt keeper.
Ham freaks me out... but I love bacon
I've broken a bone in every sport I've attempted
I need a man who remembers where we parked the car
wildlife does not fear me.
Men who sell beauty crap at mall kiosks will leap tall buildings to get to me, even if I'm in a crowd. It's not good.
I eat healthy and exercise but I will eat an obscene amount of salsa at Mexican restaurants. Back off.
I pretend to text when I'm very uncomfortable.
I once had a hobo dry-hump my car.
As a person, I am proud of being smart and (what I refer to as) witty. I'm not annoying smart and I will lose at trivia... But I'm still smart. I have a good sense of humor. I run a lot. It's not pretty. I have two dogs. They shed. I treat people very well because why wouldn't you treat people well. I volunteer at old folks homes with my dog. I have been surprised by a starkly naked geriatric on occasion. I have a good job, I am creative, and I like to try new things. I am terrible at making Jell-O.
Yeah, this profile was super weird but it was may more fun to write than some laundry list of negative things my ex may have done. I'm okay with that.
First dates are kind of scary. Something where we can get to know each other or be sort of active like playing pool. Teach me something. Show me something (not including pictures of your junk, unless I ask politely) and show me who you are. Also, no coffee. I don't know why but no. Our first date cannot be in front of scones. I will not budge on this.