How Much do I love Thee? I'd scrape a Possum off the Road for ya!
I'm writing a Nobel winning autobiography my early years! now seems fun cute girls read books!
Chapter 1 Pa just Celebrated his 100 birthday!!! So Ma and Me gave pa a party...oh the Fun we had we Danced all night Fiddle band was there "the cow patties". Ahhh the Tonic was passed to all Pa had a couple of jugs of the tonic wooo weee..ma had her share to...we played pin the tail on the donkey that's when the Fun began!!! Pa went first he was also the last...after spining pa around a few times pa was ready took that tail to pin the donkey yup he missed the Donkey's !!!!! But ma had bent over to get a jug ....yup papa pinned that tail right to Ma's €@*...Ma slung that Jug straight up an let out a yelL...Scared pa half way to the outhouse....Ma took to chasing Pa an would had caught Pa except that Cow patti she hit and she landed on the back of that Bull pa's still Running....Ma's Soaking in the wash Tub!!! Chapter 2. The Night was Dark (yup) as I staggered
Out into the Cold (Brr) for I just had stumped my darn toe (ouch).
Over pa's spit tone!!! I Hurried to the outhouse (for which its not inside).
Boy I had to go!!! Ma had made a prune pie and I ate my share !!!
I had reached the 2 holer (no waiting u see).oh the joy when all of a sudden
Oh the Pain!!!! Seems as if a possum had thought he had found a
Persimmon tree ...I let out a yell that was heard in 3 County's
Pa thought it was a wild cat ran out the house with the gun (double Barrel).
Old blue came out from under the porch a howling!!
And Cold nosed Pa up under his Gown!!! Ka-Blam both
D-+n Barrels!!! Blowed me and that Possum straight up in the
Air!!! I looked at that possum he grinned (Smiled) at me!!
But pa saved those 2 persimmons and me!!!
Never seen a possum Fly till that night!!!
Me an pa started building a new outhouse.. We had dug on the
Hole for a few Days when pa went off to the Woods
For a few days and I went off to School and I fashioned a New privy (outhouses fancy name)
Two holer No waiten ya know!! With a Sky View Roof
Ma decided to help dig the new hole ..We liked to
Have not got Ma out she dug herself in ...Pa came
Home a Smiling N Dancing...And Brought a jug home
We all got Happy ...Ma was mad enough she came
On out of that Hole ....Cause she wanted a Swig to..
There was the Time Pa traded for that Billy Goat!!
Well let me tell ya Ma wasn't to Happy after Billy helped
Himself to her garden! Pa laughed then he didn't get
Supper! Then came the day Ma was bent over in the Hen house..
Well seems Billy like Red n Big Butts...well he Pawed
The Ground lowered his head n Charged..I hollered but to late
Pow Bam!!! Ma went a flying eggs n all.yup
Splat those eggs landed right on Ma's head..Pa
Heard the Commotion he came a running an
Forgot about that Electric fence...a jolt went through pa...
Whiskey jug n all!!! Pa's Hair turned 3 shades of white
Then Black stood straight up on his head I saw
Smoke come out his ears! But he never dropped that Jug!
Need less to say Billy packed his Bag n left that day Baa Baa!!!
Oh I'll Never will forget when Pa Brought home this here New Bull a long horned one!
I over heard the other 2 bulls we had say man ole long horn is a mean one
As he stood in the Corral bellowing! 1st bull said I believe
I'll just give him 20 of my cows yep I will..bull number 2
Started pawing the ground an Bellowing an a snorting!!!
Wow what a fuss heck I just scratched my head an thought what a Crazy Bull...
Then I heard the 1st Bull say what are you doing that Big long horn
Will tare you up your so small!!! 2nd bull said I know I just
Wanna make sure He knows I'm a Bull!!!!!
Pa,Ma and Myself loaded up some chickens an a
Couple of Say Jugs of Medicine an went to town!!
Darknes fell for we got thare n we all had
A couple shots of Medicine by then!!! Ma said
Pa I wanna see a movie..Pa said ok I said what bout
These here Chickens...so I went up fire escape
With the chickens 4 of them Rhode islands an a jug!!
Ma n pa let me in up in the balcony...we
Took a couple shots I mean swigs of Tonic
And sat down to watch King Kong ...Ma was holding
Them thare Chickens when King let out That Roar
Scared the ??#@ out of Ma she slung those
Chickens over the Balcony...when those chickens hit
The floor n king a bellowing well feathers wasn't
All that was a flying!!! All %#@ broke lose..
They began to scatter like ants at a picniC
Never seen such a site saw a lady jump 3 rows of
Chairs with a Rooster on her head she was a
Screaming Kongs got me that's when Ma wet her
Pants and Pa droped the Jug...and we headed out the fire
Escape....we still can't go past that movie house
Today with Pa a krowing!!!!
Pa,Ma an me loaded up the ole truck and headed to town
Fenders a flopin and smoke a rolling. Pa got behind a
Chicken truck going down hill and by the time we put the
Cluckers behind us Pa's breaks had heated up. We had
Gained quite a bit of speed by the time we reached Town.
By that time Ma was a blowing the horn iugggg iugggg
And I was a holling get out of the way...well none the
Less a fire had broke out at the school house..
Well here came Ma n pa speeding right in the middle
Of the fire Bam we hit a tree jump out of the truck
We did a trashing n a whaling....pa took off his
Shirt Ma her apron and me My Cover alls yep ya guessed
It I was....we put out that fire in No time flat
The Mayor was so glad gave Pa a reward they ask Ma what
She wanted to Buy with the reward....Ma quipped a
$??& New set of Brakes....so Pa,Ma an I took a trip
To the big City New York,awe we saw it all central
Park...strawberry fields Ma never did find any Berries.
Empire state Building...Time Square...wee doggie what a time!
We found this store we wanted to go in! So ma n me
Went in first Pa waited his turn! Pa got in the
Revolving door but every time he tried to get out
Someone else pushed him around again...me in
Ma watched pa go round n round!!!!! Then Ma slung her pocket book in
The Door an Pa came out all right n the Middle of the Street papa u ok I said
Pa said Son where was ya when Lightening struck the Flying jinny? Pa Ma and me went cowtipping when we got home from the big city we snuck out in theneighbors field. Ma Slipped on a Cow Patti Woo Wee ....She almost lost her jug of Medicine....Pa said Shhh I see one!!! Well we mosied up to that cow Pa Snickered ok Push....well Pa can't see at night to good...Boy was that Bull P-Oed....Run I Yelled .....it was nip and Tuck Ma's Dress a Flapping those Red Bloomers a Flashing...... Yep Ka-plow Ma went Sailing... Pa Caught the Ju
Maybe we could go for a drive and look for O'possums crossing the road.An there is always a good Cow..Tipping here's a Fun idea Skunk Teasing Shew wee....Oh and yes I have all my snipe hunting equipment ready Burlap Bag And Spatula an a ole Broom for brush beating....lol And what would top off a great evening of FUN Frog Gigging....An if we can find tulips who knows Tiny Tim may let us Tip Toe Trough them.... Or How bout A good ole flatting footing contest to the Soggy bottom boys.Did someone say Hoe down?Or maybe watch the Crows perched on power lines watching the world go by (you know they see it all)... Or spend a nice evening or day getting to know each other. And also I have Slim Whitman records Yes I said it Slim Whitman records we could listen to....... INDIAN LOVE CALL......