Here is a list of some of my thoughts.
1.) I am a music snob. If you attempt to make me listen to country music I will blow a whistle and a mighty steed will appear and I will ride off into the sunset.
2.) As a kid I always wanted to be a ninja. I'm 6' 3" and Irish though so this didn't work out. It did teach me an important lesson which is: Ninja's are awesome.
3.) I consider the greatest day in pop culture history to be when the Black Eyed Peas broke up. They epitomize awful and you better believe that on that day I shed a single tear of joy.
4.) I work in digital marketing at a start up company. I write for some online publications and crush people with my knowledge.
5.) I want to hangout in Australia and learn how to use a boomerang.
6.) I play my guitar every day even if it's just for five minutes.
7.) If we're going to hangout you better be ready to go wild card. One night we might sit on the couch and watch a movie but the next we might ditch people at dinner and get on a train to a random city to spend the night.
8.) Knowledge of cheesy movies is a plus.
We got to Chinatown for some authentic fare. It's a lovely meal and I'm unstoppably entertaining per usual. As we're leaving the restaurant we catch a glimpse of the guy with lightning eyes from Big Trouble in Little China. He has a mission for us... Shave Michael Bolton's stupid mullet and we can go to an awesome party where Will Smith will rap the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song.
Luckily for us you happen to have a spare pair of clippers in your purse so we're off to the dopey Michael Bolton show. As we hear the awfulness emanating from the concert hall we are almost repelled and quit. As we're contemplating our defeat we lock eyes and an intensity grows. "**** this!" I say and MacGyver us each a pair of ear plugs from a foam wall, a paper clip and some string.
With our ears safely protected from his awful dreck we work on finding a way backstage to do the deed (not that deed perv! get your mind out of the gutter).
We're stopped by a cadre of withered Michale Bolton fans and I charm our way into "borrowing" their backstage passes. Now we're backstage and it's on. We come up with a devilishly perfect plan.
As Michael Bolton comes off stage I pants him and while he's recovering you swipe at him with the clippers and..... SUCCESS we've done it.
With his gross mullet follicles in toe we head back to Chinatown to claim our reward. Only.... when we get there the lightning eyes dude from "Big Trouble" is nowhere to be found. We search high and low and nothing....
I refuse to accept defeat but you're pulling me away from the meeting spot.
Then, just as we are about to turn the corner we see a helicopter touch down in the ally. Curious but cautious we peer around the corner. As the door opens none other than Will Smith pops out. He greets us with a friendly smile and all seems right in the world. We jump in the helicopter and fly to an epic roof deck party.
After recanting our story to Will Smith he invites us on stage to sing the Fresh Prince theme song with him. The crowd goes wild and we bask in the cheers. As we make our way off stage I grab you and bring you in close and we have our first kiss.