IF YOU FIND THE NEED TO SAG YOUR PANTS AND SAY WORDS I CAN'T UNDERSTAND... First I will be super annoying and correct everything you say and pull your pants up in public like you are a child and then I will buy you a belt for your birthday... buttttttt I am not your mother so instead pull your own pants up buy your own big boy belt and make old mr. Webster your best friend before you send me a message! Thanks in advance!
I am not attracted to black men... simply a preference no hard feelings.
I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO MARRIED MEN! Yes I know despite the fact that you're cheating on your wife and you're prolly a lying **stard I'm sure the possibility that you're a nice guy is there... I'm just not willing to take that chance!
I DO NOT WANT A ONE-NIGHT STAND!... This will eventually lead to unwanted phone calls due to my amazing skills... I'm not trying to break hearts here!
I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A THREE SUM OR ANY SUM FOR THAT MATTER!... OR ANY OTHER OBSCENE SEXUAL THING YOU CREEPERS CAN COME UP WITH... That's pretty self-explanatory!
I AM NOT LOOKING TO RECEIVE PICTURES OF ANY SEXUAL NATURE! Let's keep this classy boys!
NO STALKERS/ CREEPERS...I don't want to end up in a garbage bag in your trunk, because that would prolly make the list of worst first dates ever! Now this can be tricky because obviously creepers are not going to just throw it out ... like "Oh hey I'm going to repeatedly send you messages and try to find out where you are so that I can show up and watch you and I might steal you in my van take you down by the river and yell at you to put the lotion on the skin... BUUUT I'm a nice guy and I'll say please and thank you."
F)YOU MUST MAKE ME LAUGH... Write that down that's important!
G) PLEASE BE BETWEEN 23-34 ... I'm not sure how to have the conversation with my parents about how this new guy I'm seeing graduated high school the same year they did... and I'd like to try and avoid that awkward moment when we're in public and you're mistaken for my father.
I have an awesome family!... beware they are trailer park crazy!
I work at an optical office... I love my job.
I DO NOT use drugs... I am NOT "420 friendly" ... would be best if you didn't use drugs either.
I grew up with all boys so I learned fast when to swing and when to haul ass.
I swear like a sailor.
I have a give em’ hell mentality.
I have the best stories!
I love love love music & love Karaoke... Because basically after about 12 PBR's I'm a rock star!
A hole in the wall, a screaming juke box and a Shot of whiskey... I call that solving problems.
Big fan of road trips... Nothing better then a back road and blasting some good country music with the windows down!
I love tractor pulls… I’m an IH fan : )
I love the outdoors (hunting…fishing…camping) However… I'm not really a big fan swimming... pools= Burning eyes... bad hair... sunburns... little kids pee-pee! Lakes = mouthful’s of dirty water and FISH POOP... dead fish... fish sex... dead bodies!
I hate bugs (I kill them with Windex while jumping up and down!)... I also hate snakes so if you wanna be friends you'll have to promise to throw yourself in front of a snake at any given moment and I would prefer in that moment you have a super awesome Australian accent!
I love adventures.
I have an attraction to...
-Men in Uniform... Military...Police...Fire...UPS ... and in that order ha-ha!
-A southern accent
-Suspenders... Is that weird?
-I like the rockabilly look as well... cuffed pants and converse... ooooooh yeah!
-A man with a guitar
- sense of humor
I hate cats and small overly hairy dogs... Yeah Yeah Yeah I'm an ***hole! BUT please do not let your cat prance around my lap and legs and laugh and say oooh he likes you that’s soooo cute... no really it's not I am now caked in cat hair and as for your cat I'd like to punt it across your living room... yep that’s how cute I think that is!
I do however love dogs... and I make them delicious treats... and no matter how many times you tell me not to feed him people food... I will....and then I'll lie and say I would never do such things... and me and your dog shall be best friends forever!
I'm a horrible driver... I mean give me a break I am a woman… I know what I'm good at making sandwiches and babies! HAHA THAT WAS A TOTAL JOKE! but if you're nice enough and I like you enough I'll make you a delicious sammie all day long! whoop!
I'm a shower singer... and by singer I mean I shout lyrics to songs and sometimes rap about rubber ducks!
I enjoy Non-adult fun, which may include any of the following combinations... Wal-Mart bumper carts... foam sword fights... prank calls... sliding down stairs in laundry baskets...sledding... watching cartoons in pj's... Nerf and or water gun fights...Disney movies... super soak-er fights!
I LOVE POP ROCKS! = ] ... AND COKE CAUSE I'M DANGROUS!
I love kids or as I call them cupcakes... However I will bring them candy and they will receive the most annoying toys I can find for whatever excuse of a holiday I can come up with!
I WILL sing Disney songs to you... this may happen at 3am when I've had to much to drink... just hop up on your noble steed or magic carpet and let me show you the world! haha!
-HAVE A truck... although I'll consider those of you with a car/suv... I say this because at any given moment I may need to be rescued from evil doers! (pedal bikes do not count... I'm sure your huffy has sweet pegs but I'm prone to falling and well you can image).
- HAVE A phone... This is for two reasons... I'll need to be able to get ahold of you to alarm you that I’m in need of rescue and also because at 3 am when I've had to much to drink drunk Jessica needs to be able to wow you with her awesome night.
-BE A GOOD GUY... by this I mean someone willing to go out of his way for anyone... a complete stranger... If a four year old hands you a pretend phone you answer that shit! Nothing more attractive then a guy playing trucks with a little boy or having a tea party with a little girl... Or changing a complete strangers tire.
- YOU MUST BE FUNNY! I need to find someone who can put up with my goofiness! … Laughing until you pee is not a bad thing!
-Be willing to dance... Because I love to dance!
-Be willing to give my pintrest bored of awesome creative ideas a shot because I'm not so handy with nails and wood. (I'll read you the directions and take you step by step even in fixing dryers or other such devices that you insist can be fixed without calling a professional and let you take all the credit... I know your manhood is important.)
ALSO I HATE THE QUESTION... Why are you single? I mean what is one suppose to say to that?
First meeting... something short and public. I feel like this eliminates the awkwardness for a real date... and you learn a lot about someone in the first 15 mins... Plus then if you're not interested you're not stuck in that situation... So a couple drinks is best in my opinion.
First date... Something non traditional... how about a drive with awesome music and the windows down... the zoo... ice cream... a concert... Tractor pull.