Well first I will require for you to sign off on a background check so I can make sure you are who you state you are. I cannot go out with someone with a questionable background.
Then we will go to a public restaurant with a ton of people so I know you will not injury or try to abduct me. It will have to a classy joint because I only want the finest in life. Since this will be our first date I will insist that you pay for the whole thing and we will go to a place of my choosing. After we get done with our meal we will then go to the nearest Starbucks where I will order a Grande, light foam, nonfat milk, 2 pumps of mocha, ½ pump of sugar free vanilla, 1 pump of raspberry, extra hot latte. I expect you to order the same and pay for both of our drinks, it’s delicious. We will then get into a deep and intensive discussion about politics, religious beliefs, and exes so I can get an idea on where you stand in life. After coffee the date will end and we will go our separate ways, hopefully if we both had fun there will be a 2nd date.
If you think of any of the above sounds like a good time then you are not the one for me because it is absolute B/S. I believe a 1st date should be spontaneous and I can’t really write about it. Just as long as you and I have a great time that’s all that matters.