No Felons! If you have been in the back of a police car more than once, move on! If you sit in the front of a police car....that's different! I'm not an angry woman just relentlessly pestered by some POF dudes and I'm calling Shenanigans!
UGH! Pay attention, If I wanted casual sex or one night stands I would have posted half naked pictures of myself, DUH! And if you are "not single and not looking" Kick Rocks! I'm here looking for the 0.01% of this online site, cause I know 99.99% of you are full of Shi*t! Enough of the, "I want a down to earth girl", "I'm tired of drama" (quit picking drama queens)......blah blah "looking for a partner in crime" ….."can you complete me?" ...blah blah! You boys with your silver tongues. Try telling the truth, I'm a big girl let me decide for myself.
OOFTA! If you only have a high school education or some college what are we going to talk about? I don't understand what a doctor and a GED recipient have to talk about on a daily basis. Ain't trying to be rude, high brow or snobby, just speaking plainly. At least try to sell it to me that you are an under achieving brainiac! Effort people…E-F-F-O-R-T!
STOP! Recognize the height! Take a second to ponder if you are willing to tippy toe it for a kiss. And every girl wants to feel tiny in the arms of a man, can your 5'7" arms do that. I may want to make NBA babies some day that can put me up in a real nice nursing home, can your 5'9" genes help me accomplish that?
OMG! I am not trying to have a modeling career so I don't obsessively take pictures of myself in dumb unrealistic poses. I don't have "like" a 1,000 pictures of myself in various stages of undress cause I am not a narcissistic Hoochie! I don't take the above the head shots, the I have taped my boobs together shots or the I'm just obsessed with my face shots. And I don't think I am a porn star with nudie****shots on my phone.
BOYS! Get it straight if you want Sex/BJ's/spanking/animal humping.....try Craig's List. Message me ONLY if you want a girl with a mind, who can say more than two words, has goals, some self-respect, honesty, sex appeal, can spell, non-porn star quality etc. There is a BIG difference, just be REAL with yourself!
SERIOUSLY! If you have not met me in person can you refrain from asking for a BJ or butt sex. If this is all you want you are probably a lil gay, check out the grinder app. Women do not get pleasure from BJ's or butt sex. We do not have prostates!! And my clit is not in my throat. Annoying! Can I get some mutual satisfaction? And some respect!
For the Love of God! I understand that spelling isn't a talent for everyone. But can you at least spell your profession correctly! I mean if you can't spell your job title, do you really deserve the job. And if you can't spell that's ok, just don't try to spell words more messed up like....skillzzzz, playa, parkkk, yolooo. Grow up! You probably aren't black or a member of a rap recording label.
ADVICE! If you are still reading....this one is funny too! I would love a guy with some creativity. A few lame photos to avoid::: the photo that has been photoshopped to death, the pic with a gun, the photo with your marijuana garden, the pic with a dead fish or animals, the pic of you with other hot guys (chances are I will want your hot friend), and the pic where you are the groomsman and are dressed up for once in your life. Or the the picture of your dog who is way cuter than your face. It would be so so refreshing to not see one of these boring azz pics! I want to feel the creativity!
If you are still reading bravo for having a healthy relationship with humor. But all joking aside I'd love to find my teammate. A guy who truly knows what it's like to put their trust in another person and someone who can call me on my bullsh*t when I need it and someone who makes me a better me. And I want
to do the same!
FML! If you don't like my profile that is A-Ok but please spare me the pathetic emails that explain your self-loathing views on life and the lectures about how angry I am and what a man hater I MUST be. You have missed the entire point if you feel that way. Save your feminine, supple and gentle fingers the pain and don't message me. Shut up in ya face, no uterus no opinion and HUGS & Kisses!
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Dry humping and making out....if you are lucky!