Are you tired of the same old guys? Did your Ex-boyfriend act like he was an extra from Sons of Anarchy? Do douche bags in Affliction T-shirts fill your inbox daily? Are you looking for someone to finally make you delete your account for good? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then look no further....The Mike2000 is here!
The Mike2000 is the industry leader in hugs, kisses and cuddles. You will never feel this level of affection with the other brands.
Need flowers on a random week day to cheer you up at work (and make your co-workers jealous)? The Mike2000 will provide this service and more!
The Mike2000 is the perfect compliment to any occasion. Watch as the other guys embarrass you at your cousin's wedding, wearing jeans or a tacky colored dress shirt. The Mike2000 is guaranteed to dress classy and sophisticated in this setting, as you hear the constant barrage of compliments of how great you look together.
Meeting up with old friends and their significant others? The Mike2000 gets along with anyone. No need to worry if he will clash with the other guys or complain how this is a drag and he could be drinking beer with his friends right now. No need to worry about explaining or defending his background of dui's, job firings, or overall laziness. The Mike2000 comes equipped with a clean record, wholesome family, steady profession and a college education.
Maybe you are looking to spend a cold winter weekend indoors. The Mike2000 also looks great in sweatpants! Plus he doesn't mind watching the movie you picked out. He is a movie buff and enjoys a bevy of tv entertainment. All that he cares about is the quality time with you and will provide the warmth of some hot coco, great conversation and did I mention he is the industry leader in cuddling?
But don't take my word for it. Look at these testimonials from his ex-girlfriends:
Lisa - "My Mike2000 was the best boyfriend I ever had! For my birthday he took me out to a my favorite restaurant and when we returned home he had a trail of rose petals leading to all my gifts. If I wasn't such a conceited B!T@$, and appreciated him then I would still be with him today!"
Jenny - "My parents adored my Mike2000. They said that he was the guy I should end up with. And he is the only boyfriend I had that my dad did not threaten to shoot with his shotgun weekly. But I regrettably broke up with him and got pregnant with a gas station attendant. Don't make the same mistake!"
Hillary - "His massages are incredible! And he always smells good. Definitely a keeper! Just don't cheat on him at a party you invited him to."
So delete that Facebook profile pic with your ex cropped out and replace it with a dazzling picture of you and your new Mike2000. Guaranteed to get 100 likes and comments saying "When do I meet your new boo?" "Great pic, who's the cutie?" And "Does he have any single friends?"
Shipping and handling is free as Mike2000 has his own car and house.
If you order within the next ten minutes we'll throw in a second, no make that a third date! You will have three opportunities to seal the deal with the worlds premier boyfriend.
Act now while supplies last!
A first date with Mike2000 will be your last first date! Get to know your new Mike2000 in a private or public setting of your choice. Feeling fancy? Get dressed up for a romantic dinner and wine tasting. Love the outdoors? Go on a picnic, go fishing or maybe a bike ride. Or if you are looking to break the mold....try the seasonal special. Mike2000 knows how much you love pumpkins. How about a trip to a pumpkin patch to pick out the greatest pumpkins ever grown and return home for a night of getting to know your Mike2000 while carving jack-o-lanterns and making pumpkin bread. You will have THE cutest first date story for years to come! Whatever you choose it's about getting to know your new guy and just having fun while doing doing it :)