Dating. Being single. Waiting for the love of my life. These are descriptions about me but in a way they are also thoughts or states of being that we all share. As I read through profiles I am reminded of this and how in a way we all just want to be in love and be happy. The problem comes in when we also want to be wildly attracted to that person and experience chemistry. Here is where there is a hurdle in the journey. Ever go on a date and you are sure that it will be a great evening- the person is attractive, smart, funny, or whatever you personally desire and then when you finally meet- nothing! Not an ounce of chemistry to be found. Disappointment is hard to hide in your mood and you feel defeated at the end of the night. (If it lasted that long) I definitely have. I have met some great guys in my dating process here in LA and they were truly good guys but just not good for me. So I ask, what makes us attracted to one and not the other even if everything else is there? Personality is now thought to play an important role.
Sites like Match.com and Chemistry.com all use questionnaires to match up people by personality. So if you have ever subscribed to these sites and were disappointed by your "matches" you should double check how you answered the questions. Traits like "cute butt" are not figured into the formula. What they have found though is that people stick to people like them. Sorry, if you live far and have a totally different lifestyle than I do - we probably are not going to be a match. Also what the have found is that understanding your "type" as well as the other person's will help in the process. Here are the types as reported by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher. Fisher found a correlation between certain personality traits and the four personality-linked brain systems: (From MIT Sloan Management Review)
Explorers are curious, novelty seeking, spontaneous, creative and open-minded, expressive of the dopamine system.
Directors are analytical, tough minded, decisive, focused and independent, expressive of the high testosterone system.
Negotiators are contextual thinkers, imaginative, intuitive, empathetic and nurturing, expressive of the estrogen system.
Builders are conventional, orderly, concrete, respectful of the rules and loyal, expressive of the serotonin systems.
But all of this still does not explain chemistry. With each of these descriptions we can understand who would be a better match for us but who will we be wildly attracted to? Unfortunately that one is based on our own biology and our genes. Chemistry is nothing more than our body's way of tricking us into sleeping with someone who is genetically diverse from us and creating an offspring that has a great chance for survival. The good news about this primal system is that you, me, all of us will feel chemistry with someone- the bad news is that it is trial and error. So we will need to keep trying, keep meeting people and going on dates. It is supposed to be fun after all. But when you are feeling defeated by the process remember that we are all searching for pretty much the same thing and we are all navigating this process together. Good Luck to everyone!! Although luck really has nothing to do with it. LOL
Included in the what is what I would like to find in a mate. I need an active partner who can keep up. I have received messages from older men and although I would met that you are very active, I am a very young 40. I have never been mistaken for more than 32 and I am incredibly active. I am sorry but 48+ is just too old for me. Secondly, I value intelligence and education. I am an avid reader and finishing my masters. I need that thirst for knowledge in another. If you read The Atlantic, The Economist, or The Harvard Business Review stop right now and email me. I am already head over heels in love with you. LOL Lastly, I would like a partner who is good at what he does. I am very good at my job and I don't go through life hating my job or my future. If you don't look at tomorrow with complete optimism and enthusiasm we are probably not a good match.
HAHA. This stupid site made me put a personality. I chose princess. Where else do you get to check the box that says princess other than POF? What a funny question.
Something awesome! Sorry to put the pressure on. I love creativity and I think that in LA dating is lazy. (Just my opinion) LOL
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