So I know you ladies get hundreds of emails from creeps to sift through, so if you wanna chat drop me a line, would love to hear from ya. I'm not into mass emailing women like most of the desperate Dbags on this site do. I'm very facetious and extremely driven. So if you can make sense out of this profile, you've passed the first step. Enjoy!
My name is Matt. I was born with a piece of J.C. Penny stainless steel flatware in my mouth, and I scratched and clawed my way out of the upper middle class ghetto of Lee’s Summit, Missouri to become the feared yet loved pariah that I am today. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling buildings and crushing ice. I write award-winning operas and translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I can cook two-minute eggs in less than a minute. I have been known to remodel subway stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat dispersion. I have written number-one singles for a friend. I pay my bills on time. I don’t perspire. I think reverb is dishonest but sometimes necessary. I, too, have written and produced material for Madonna, and refused to have sex with her. Using only a hoe and a glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from an attack of ferocious army ants. I read ancient Egyptian manuscripts in the original Sanskrit. I am an abstract sculptor, a master archer, and a ruthless bookie. I once engineered sessions for Michael Jackson and unknowingly offered him a bite of my hot dog. I own many of Burt Bachrach’s instrumental recordings and periodically annoy the neighbors by playing them at a high volume. I sleep only fifteen minutes a night and do so standing up. It is not true that I performed covert operations for the CIA. I think Peter Gabriel was a brilliant artist until he underwent EST training. I am an unselfish lover, an investor in the Chinese stock market, a rabble-rousing herdboy, and an inspiration for freedom fighters everywhere. My dad was a respected educator, and I changed my name from Maximus. Children trust me. After one listen, I can play any song on several instruments. I do own a television and blues records. I’m a Financial Advisor. I can make extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven. I believed in and voted for Bush (sorry). I have performed open heart surgery, and I have spoken to Johnny Cash.
Hood rats need not apply.
Obviously I have a sense of humor, so if you don't...please don't message me.
Do not copy/download/use my personal information or pictures in any way.