Hello women of POF. In the fourth installment of my profile, I have decided to be a bit more serious. It's time I stopped with the all of the humor and got a bit more serious. I am doing this so all of you will realize how serious I am to find the right woman.
OK, here we go...!
1. Have a career or a job you are proud of.
Do: List a legitimate job, an accountant, a nurse,a manager, a teacher, a stay at home mom, or even a taxi driver. Work hard and appreciate all of the good things that brings.
Don't: List something that the IRS wouldn't recognize, "NOYB" ("none of your business" I assume), "Keeping it real," "Making money," or "Doing what it takes." Those aren't jobs. Also, if your friends took some pictures of you posing by the pool that does not qualify you as a model, or if you have "some college" it would be impossible for the legal system of the United States of America to recognize you as a lawyer.
2. Please post real pictures.
Do: Post pictures that have depth. These are pictures of memorable moments with friends and family and they reveal much more about you than countless "selfies" taken in your car. I would rather see a picture of you and dear old dad than a bikini pic.
Don't: Post countless "selfies." If you find yourself taking 50 selfies just to get the one that looks great, then you look only look great 2% of the time. I also don't understand the car selfie, why not a sandwich-making selfie, walking up the stairs selfie, a cleaning the bathtub selfie, or a changing the TV channel selfie while you're at it?
In addition, not every moment in time qualifies as a picture-taking moment. I remember a time when you took pictures at special occasions, graduations, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and etc.
In addition addition, don't post pictures of quotes. There is not some mystical force channeling relationship advice and philosophies to a copy writer at Hallmark. If I read "If you can't handle me on my worst day, then you don't deserve me on my best" one more time, I may jump off a building. If you want a life of insecurity and illicit affairs, then please use Marilyn Monroe as your role model.
3. Have reasonable hobbies and interests.
Do: Make then interesting. I would find skydiving, rock climbing, poetry, painting, Amercian history, and things like this interesting. Maybe even a new hobby I would be interested in taking up with you.
Don't: List every little thing you like. Why tell me you like music and movies? Doesn't everyone? Also, don't list 1,000 hobbies. Who has time for that? Make 'em count.
In addition, listing the Second Amendment as a hobby is lunacy. If you're hobbies include FOX news, fire arms, UFC or MMA, I have to tell you that I don't find fear-milling, violence-promoting and close-minded hobbies particularly intriguing.
4. Dress like a classy woman.
Do: Cover up! Dress like you have some self-respect and pride. I find a woman in a business suit and skirt with their hair pulled back incredibly sexy.
Don't: Dress like your life is a hip hop video (because it ain't). Here's a hint for you. If you cover up, your man will be more interested in you as their brain has to try for hours to figure out what you look like naked. If you throw it all out there, where is the mystery?
In addition, if your clothes have any writing on them like "juicy," "booty," or "tasty," you might as well have "I'm a slag" written on your forehead.
5. Live an active lifestyle.
Do: Enjoy a variety of activities. Do things that relieve stress and make your mind and heart healthy. I recently took up cycling and have done two 100 mile races and a 65 mile race with more to come and it has challenged my body and mind. If you cycle, then I may just marry you.
Don't: Be a "gym rat." I want my woman to take care of themselves, but I like the softness and curves of a woman more than a woman that is ripped.
In addition please don't wear yoga pants as "real" pants. They are definitely not professional work or every situation pants. They are "look how hard I work out" pants. OK, so let's make a deal, if you wear yoga pants on our first date, then you are forbidden from talking about your workouts.
6. Find me attractive.
Do: If you do, then problem solved.
Don't: Try squinting your eyes when you look at me.
7. Have a sense of humor.
Do: Laugh and be young at heart. Commit acts of silly randomness, pranks, silly love letters, and smile as much as possible.
Don't: Make fun at the expense of others. Be uptight because you are too worried about what other people think. Who cares what other people think?
In summation: I am looking for a mannequin. If you remember how happy Andrew McCarthy was in the move Mannequin, then we will be just fine together.