Hi! How are you? How was your day, beautiful? Hmmm... That is so interesting and funny! I must be the luckiest man alive to have found you... What's that? You want to tear my clothes off and have sex with me right here on the floor? Anything for my amazing, perfect love! Don't go down on me just yet... you're going first missy!
...Aaaaand scene. Would you like to have the above conversation sometime in the future? Would you like to run through fields and valleys with me, take long moonlit walks, have me recite poetry to you mid-multiple orgasm, and have somebody there to catch you the next time you fall off a 10-storey building? How about that for a change? Well look no further, my dear. Let's get to know each other, fall madly in love, have lots of sexy time, and continue that until the end of one of our lives! Give it some thought and get back to me. I've gone this long without my soul mate, meh, I suppose I can give you a few more minutes.
Did I mention you look great today? BecauseDAMN GIRL.
I've got a pretty sweet life. I come from an amazing, loving family, I'm convinced I literally have the best friends ever, and I have a job that a lot of people might put the word "dream" in front of. The only trick is that the dream job occurs during mornings and evenings... AKA when all the normal people are out there meeting and falling in love. By the time I'm free, during the day and after 9 at night, all that's left are hot moms in yoga class and alcoholic bar flies who obviously are completely happy/sane/disease free. As much as I like ruining marriages and getting STDs, I just don't think those are viable options for me right now.
So all the women in my life, from my mom and sisters to all the hockey moms I know from coaching, seem to be baffled that I don't have a significant other. And you know what? I'm starting to think they're right. Like I said, I have a pretty sweet life, and the only thing better than that is having someone to share it with, someone to come home to. So I'm officially on the market... OK GO!