I went to a Halloween party and was playing Jenga with a pregnant lady. She was pretty big, like 6 or 7 months. Her husband was an overbearing, self proclaimed jar-head who felt it was his civic duty to advise his wife on every move she would make. It got to the point where I knew I had to pipe up and say something. So, just before she made a move, he started in with the unwarranted advice. I looked at him and said, " based on the current condition of your wife, I don't think you should be giving advice about pulling anything out!"
I closed my eyes and waited for his stony fists to hit my face. To my surprise, after a moment, he began to laugh. And once again, I was spared the payment of physical pain from the purchase of verbal diarrhea....
I have more funny little stories and such, some of them true, most of them too terribly strange to be made up. Oh, and I have a job, and some stuff, and a car.
I only have about maybe 20 good years before I unintentionally start shatting myself .....you want in the golden years, let me know.