Hello! My name is Elliot.
If you were looking for that "good" man. You found him. For serious. I can hold a job. I generally do what I say I'm going to do, when I've said I'm going to do it. (barring activity from my filthy good/bad Irish luck) I won't bullsh*t you. I won't betray your trust once I've earned it. If I'm attracted to you I'll say so, if I'm not I'll tell you just as quickly. I can't f-ing stand head games so I don't play them. For those that do the Meyers/Briggs thing. I'm an INTJ.
Basically I really fit my astrological sign. Generous, warmhearted, creative, and loyal.
I do smoke but I'm making a concerted effort to quit. Doc gave me the what-for and I'm weaning myself off the coffin nails.
I don't use drugs. I drink rarely. I like kids and want a family at some point. My dad was a Marine and taught me to be truthful and diligent. To finish what I start. Say what I mean and follow through. To be slow to anger and long on patience and empathy.
I'm a former U.S. soldier. Abrams tank crewman to be specific. I have fulfilled my contract so you don't have worry about me getting sent off to die in a foreign country leaving you behind. Currently a process technician at a local electronics manufacturer. I'm an amateur blacksmith on the side and trying to build a business out of it with a friend. I'm a good cook. If you have the recipe and ingredients I can fix it, unless it takes some bizarre cooking implement. I don't have an ex-wife, or kids, or any real baggage to speak of.
I hate "laundry listing" like this because it's really hard for me to convey with the written word what my personality is like. Perhaps I'm too close to the subject at hand? I have a very silly, goofy, sense of humor. I think of puns as the purest form of humor, it's why I abuse them. I will find a way to make you smile and laugh, even if that means that I have to tickle you until you can't breathe. If you're the cranky reticent type absorbed in your own little dark cave of sadness my natural reaction is to drag you out kicking and screaming into the light. Don't worry. It won't hurt much. And it builds character.
I'm like Mister Rogers, but with tattoos and a very off-color sense of humor.
Music. I grew up in the 90's so I like grunge. Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, Chili Peppers. But I listen to a lot of other music as well. I have a newly aquired taste for dubstep and house music, it's probably unhealthy but goddamn do I like a bass drop. My only caveat is country music, or country songs that soapbox politically, or browbeat me with religion. Songs about guns, rusty trucks, cold beer, and hot girls appeal to my inner hillbilly.
Now for the fun part. How to score Brownie Points. (Redeemable in actual brownies. Made to order. Limit one per customer. And only at participating locations. Batteries not included. Not responsible for sudden and explosive salivation upon delivery.) You don't need to have all of these things but the more of them you have the better chances you get of getting a flat of brownies.
1.) Tattoos or body piercings.
2.) Are not irrationally afraid of firearms.
3.) You eat meat.
4.) You can use punctuation and not type like you text on your phone.
5.) Bobbed pageboy haircuts a major plus. Color doesn't doesn't really matter. Blue and purple hair get a bonus for being ballsy. Not a fan of green, though.
6.) You exercise at least once a week, and aren't scared of a two mile hike.
7.) If you are something of a Star Wars nerd.
8.) Know who Milton Erickson is.
9.) Take your coffee black.
10.) Like your steaks rare.
11.) Message me back. Even if it is to say "Get lost scrub! Go play in traffic."
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Ideal first date.
I don't have an ideal first date. They just kind of happen.
I usually like to go somewhere to talk. Chat over a cup of coffee. Probably really passe` and droll. But it works. Otherwise it's a hike up the bluffs. Bring your boots.