Please be boring, out of shape with no goals or ambition. Oh, and make sure you never call, text, or email me. If this is you then send me a smoke signal. If this is not you then bring it. Bring your sarcasm, wit, smile and nice ass. Am I allowed to say ass in a profile?
I'm boring, out of shape with no goals or ambition, if that appeals to you then you suck. I mean...I'm sure you're a very nice person.
If you can't tell by now, I am a little on the sassy side, but in that fun cute sassy way, not that you suck so I'm going to pick on you kind of way.
I'm on this ridiculously named dating site because I'm looking for the one! Just the one, not that other one, I seem to get plenty of those. The one is the kind of hottie that makes me laugh, the kind of laugh that throws my head back as I accidentally smack it on that sharp object behind my head. And I laughed because you said something stupid, clever, witty or your joke was actually good. I don't like jokes by the way. They're never actually very good. What was I talking about? Oh yah, the one...smart. Lots and lots of smarts. I think that's not asking too much. If you can't spell well...I'm annoyed. Didn't we learn how to spell in high school? I don't get that one. Anyhoo, I may be able to overlook the spelling if you're drop dead gorgeous...although I'll probably eventually leave you for that other guy who can spell.
If you want to know what kind of person I am then you'll just have to contact me. Oh and by contact me...I mean call me. Because that tells me you are a brave strong and secure man. True story. Don't be scared...ask for my number.
I have a lot of love to give and I've been waiting for you. Get ready to have some fun!
Are you ready?
I prefer wine over coffee, actually I don't drink coffee at all, you really don't want to see me on coffee anyway. Happy hour makes me happy and if you ask me for coffee I'll know you didn't read my profile. ;)