Ok now, I could sit here wasting your time for the next five minutes listing all the unreasonable clichés of what I want in a man besides, of course, perfection (tall but not too tall, fit but not to fit, down to earth, good looking, funny, self deprecating, confident yet humble) while all the while in the same breath telling you that I'm so incredibly down to earth, realistic, and amazing that all I care about is personality (really, you could look like an Ogre and I'm into that). Bull Shit!
Let's get real honest here... Yes I said it, Real and honest in the same sentence.
So, you ready for it? I'll even go first. This is me in so many (carefully chosen) words....
...... I'm a 30 year old white female, 5'9", brunette, blue eyes and a rockin' body (Considering I've pushed two six pound tiny humans out of my body).
I'm pragmatic, judgmental, demanding, opinionated, selfish, controlling, MOODY and sometimes petty. I watch girly movies, I get jealous, dislike bad drivers, blame everyone else, emotionally unavailable, severely codependent, I will expect you to know what I want even though I probably don't even know what I want. I will correct your grammar even though mine sucks. I love to be loved. I hate to be ignored. Sometimes I can get pretty dang ****y, but overall, I'm usually not that way because I consider myself to have an intoxicating/ intoxicated personality.
Okay, so basically I'm just like every other crazy **** out there, however, here are a few possible uniquenesses about me;
I love surprises, although they really stress me out. I believe laughing is the best calorie burner, but sometimes you just need to cry. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot, but I'm incredibly unaffectionate for a female. I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls. I can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up, but I better hurry up and figure it out because being a hot mess is exhausting. I don't regret anything I've ever done because at one time it was exactly what I wanted (But I hate when people ask me "what the hell were you thinking?" obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain myself!). I haven't decided wether I like guys in their early twentys or mid thirties... I think red roses are the "I'm sorry I'm an Idiot" flower. You can always count on me to be the ***hole who gives you a reality check instead of telling you what you want to hear. My favorite color is Camo. I love to go camping, I can fix almost anything, except clearly myself. I go out of my way to accomplish things people say I can't. I love to shoot guns. I don't make the same mistake twice, I make it 5 or 6 times just to be sure.
I'm one bad relationship away from getting 30 cats and calling it a day...
I can change the oil in my own car, replace the U joints, bleed the brakes, and then remove the driveline, but you'll probably have to remind me to put gas in my car so I don't run out on the side of the road... If you have no idea what I just said or if you don't know how to drive a manual transmission, you're not a man.
*** Edit: I swear If I hear one more guy say "I work hard but play harder" Im going to shoot them in the f*cking foot and ask them if they're bleeding hard or hardly bleeding... I get It, you would rather have fun then work, Really? What a surprise, I've never heard of anybody feeling that way before, how weird and unusual.
I'm not exactly sure what I am looking for from this online dating business, but Its definitely entertaining.
Some believe in destiny and some believe in fate, but I believe that happiness is something we create! And I know what I want in life and where I want to be, I just can't figure out how to get there or get it!
If you believe the following statement "The only thing in life money can't buy is poverty." (or if you're a democrat) then you and I will probably not get along...
So anyway, thats Just the tip of the iceberg in this drama filled mess that I call life, however if I haven't scared you off yet, or you're unfortunate enough to be habitually drawn to crazy b*tches like me, then don't hesitate to reply! :)
The good news is my ex set the bar low enough to make your ordinary accomplishments seem impressive!
I should also add that I already have two Beautiful and Amazing men in my life, ages three and six, and they will always be my first priority.
Sometimes your knight in shining armor is really just a retard in tin foil...
In the end....
"We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."