...okay, so i gather my previous profile was too oblique. figured i'd give it another shot. i just can't bring myself to write a traditional one, though-- i mostly find them insipid. instead i'll start with a story:
so, i broke my neck one time. bit of a bummer, that. i considered myself kind of a busy guy, and hadn't budgeted any of my time for quadriplegia. didn't really like the idea much, to be honest. the doctors said that when the the spinal swelling went down, i would begin to regain some or all of my functions- but they couldn't say just what that would end up looking like. for a time there, mercifully brief, all i really wanted from life was to be able to walk.
...and then something worse happened. i bought an audi. fast forward five or six months-- a friend had warned me not to buy it, told me that old audis were junk. but did i listen? i did not listen. and this car broke down every three weeks, like clockwork, for the nine months i owned it. i could have been leasing a rolls royce instead, for the money in repairs i dumped into this piece. so one night i'm driving, and it breaks down for maybe the third time in the two months i've owned it. clutch pedal just randomly hits the floor, completely unmoored. the car gradually rolls to a stop. i'm in tucson arizona. it's raining. it doesn't rain in tucson arizona. and omigod, am i ever feeling sorry for myself. i mean, have i not suffered enough? seriously? i get out of the car, in the rain, and try to push the car off to the side of the road. i can't push it, as i'm still weak as a kitten, the result of residual paralysis and muscle atrophy. (at one point it was all i could do to bench press a broom stick, two and one half times). so i'm leaning into the car with my hips to awkwardly push it that way. i'm getting rained on, and i'm bitter. i finally manage to get the car off the road, but i'm two miles from my destination. this is 1992, i don't have a cell phone. on top of all of my other frustrations, i have to walk downtown. i am so full of self pity i can barely stand it.
and then it occurs to me that, a few short months before, all i wanted was to be able to walk; and now i am upset because i have to.
and so i laughed and i wept and thanked god, and i walked in the rain, and if i have had a better day than this one, i don't recall it.
i bring this up for two reasons. the first is that, no matter how many times i try to wrest satisfaction from life, i always come back to the same conclusion. the only happiness or peace or serenity or contentment that will be mine, on any but the most fleeting basis, will come to me not because i get what i want, but because i am willing to accept life as it presents itself. in any given moment, i have to walk, or i get to walk. i try to keep that in mind on sites like this- i just want to try and stay present, enjoy whatever moment i happen to be in, and not get weighed down with expectations, hopes, etc.
...and the second reason: i mean, what good is a story like that, if you can't use it to pick up chicks on the internet?
a few random details. i:
--prefer travel to tourism
--am partial to the works of david foster wallace, cormac mccarthy, phillip larkin, conor oberst, tom waits, the coen brothers, david simon, and lebron james
--have worked at various times as a blackjack dealer, a short-order cook, an attorney, a dishwasher, a writer, and a paperboy
--have a (no-doubt unhealthy) contempt for reality television in all its forms
--am well-acquainted with the subject explored in those fifty shades of bad prose books
--have a heretofore mostly-wasted law degree from berkeley which may finally pay off, as i have just opened a mediation practice
--haven't had a drink since the reagan administration
--seldom wear shoes
--have high hopes, despite the contrary conclusion reached in reason number one, supra
--am liberal; spiritual rather than religious; not jealous; and skeptical
--am embarrassed by my pictures, but slightly less embarrassed by them than i am of basically every other picture ever taken of me
my body works just fine now, by the way, and thanks for asking. i still like to walk,and did the JMT this summer.
so who are you? tell me things.