Hey..Just here to talk, chat, harass anyone that will allow me to. I am not here looking for a date, a lunch, a coffee or a one nighter..just here to CHAT!!
** To clarify to y'all..I am in here for chat/email only. I signed out of here for awhile as my life got a bit busy..and now I'm back and they took the talk/email option off the list...
Some Jokes For YOU! ALL IN GOOD FUN!! I CHANGE THEM UP HERE AND THERE, SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE!!
One day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.
Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
A man goes into a confessional at church and says :
"Father, I’m 52. 3 weeks ago, I went to this bar & was picked up by twin 22 yr. old blonde, red hot beauties.
I went home with them & had smoking hot sex - like nobodies business.
The things we did would make Hugh Hefner jealous.
After ALL nite of fantastic sex, I was so weak, I could’nt even put on my shoes, I mean......." The Priest breaks in & says,
"Wait, wait, my son ! In the Catholic faith......" the guy interrupts, "Catholic?
Who said I was Catholic??" The Priest responds, "Not Catholic?
Well then...Why are you telling ME ?" His reply: " Telling YOU? WHY am I telling YOU ??
"I’m a telling everybody ! "
~PICK UP LINES~
~PICK UP LINES~
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
Woman: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you before GLY
Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
Woman: Do you know what'd look good on you? Nothing !
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Your face must turn a few heads!
Woman: And your face must turn a few stomachs!
Man: What are you looken at?
Woman: Somethin ugly!
Man: What do math and my****have in common?...They're both hard for you
Woman: You must be a math problem because you're annoying and difficult. I don't wanna solve your problems for you.
Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
Man: I'm a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours
Woman: I'm a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Woman: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!
Man: I can make your bed rock
Woman: No you can't I have a Tempurpedic
Man: I've lost my phone number can I have yours?
Woman: Sure, my number is 911-8473 (works better if you write it down)
Man: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
Woman: Nah, it was plain bad luck!
Man: Baby, your body is a wonderland!
Woman: That's funny, because yours is a wasteland!
Man: Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
Woman: Maybe once. I never make the same mistake twice!
Man: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
Woman: Okay, but would you stay there?
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: "Wow, you're tall! How's the weather up there?"
Woman: "It's raining." and spit on him.
Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."
Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."br/