Gotta Love Confucius!! :)
•Confucius say, Man who fart in church must sit in his own pew.
•Confucius say, Man who fly airplane upside-down bound to have crack up.
•Confucius say, Wife who puts man in dog house may find him in cat house.
•Confucius say, Virgin like balloon — one prick, all gone.
•Confucius say, Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.
•Confucius say, Man who lays girl on hillside is not on the level.
•Confucius say, Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth.
•Confucius say, Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
•Confucius say, Man who stand on toilet is high on pot
•Confucius say, Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
•Confucius say, Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
•Confucius say, Man with hand in pocket feel**** all day.
•Confucius say, Baseball got it all wrong — man with four balls cannot walk.
•Confucius say, Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
At a World Brewing Convention in the United States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conferencing.
Bruce, the boss of Fosters, shouted to the barman,
'in 'Strailya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, cobber.'
Rob, chief of Budweiser, calls out,
'In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all. Give me a pint of Bud.'
Hans steps up next,
'In Germany we invented beer. Give me a Weisen, the real king of beers.'
Up steps Dutchman Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, who states that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.
Patrick, the CEO of Guinness, steps forward.
'Barman, give me a coke with ice please.'
The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces.
Eventually Bruce asks, 'Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?'
Patrick replies, 'Well, if you **stards aren't drinking, then neither am I'