Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt!
OK, now I have your attention. Already, you either find me completely amusing or completely stupid. If you find yourself in the "amusing" category then read on...
Next test...What do I look for in a woman to date? Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size. Just kidding. LOL! Let me share a few things I'm REALLY looking for:
1) Someone who is still reading this profile.
2) Someone who can have just as much fun playing miniature golf, singing karaoke, or visiting an art gallery.
3) Someone who wouldn't think twice about jumping down a slip and slide while still dressed.
4) Someone who can take care of themselves but doesn't mind some company along the way.
5) Someone who is comfortable with jeans and a Steeler's jersey or a little black dress.
6) Someone who can dish it out ... and take it.
7) Someone who has read the beginning and end of a book...and all the parts in between.
8) Someone who is just as comfortable choosing Truth or Dare.
9) Someone who realizes that a good relationship involves giving as well as taking.
Congratulations, you've made it this far! You should be very proud of yourself. Next, here are some random things about me:
1) I often turn on the AC or leave the bedroom window open even when it's chilly just to have an excuse to wrap myself in a nice blanket.
2) I believe sarcasm is an art. I have my Masters, working toward my Doctorate.
3) Breakfast is slightly over-rated. With that said, IHOP is pretty, pretty good.
4) I often insert random movie and television quotes into casual conversation. Most people don't get them.
5) When I'm alone I like to sing and dance. When I'm not alone I try to save us all the embarrassment.
6) I've never been diagnosed but I think I may be slightly ADD and OCD.
7) I think I may be an extroverted introvert...or maybe it's the other way around.
8) I firmly believe that walking down the street, riding in an elevator, or taking the bus has their own set of rules of etiquette. Sadly, many people don't get it.
9) I'm a big fan of lists. People have short attention spans sometimes so I believe in sharing information as easily as possible.
We're almost at the end, promise! Just a fair warning that I probably won't respond to you in the following situations:
1) If you list "No" for your date having kids. My son is 12 and we're sort of a packaged deal. With that said, I don't let him meet just anybody so don't expect to see him any time soon. Baby steps, please.
2) If you don't have any pictures posted. Sorry, fair is fair. You get to see me, right? And despite what some people might say, physical attraction IS important.
3) If your profile contains nothing but the cliches - I like to stay in and go out, I like to dress up and down, I live life to the fullest (sorry but what does that even mean?). Show me a little bit of personality.
4) If you send me a wink. Just a simple hello is better than an impersonal wink. Just saying.
5) If you are way older than me, live in another state, or have 15 children. I'm sure you are a wonderful person but none of these are situations that I am ready to take on.
Hmmmm, does that last list make me seem bitter? Sorry, not the impression I wanted to give. I really am more fun than a barrel of monkeys, although I was always confused by that saying. I don't often catch myself wishing a had a barrel of monkeys, do you?
Alright, here's what you need to do. Send me an email. Don't worry, it's alright. Men don't mind women making the first move. Really. I look forward to hearing from you! Thanks for your time.
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
P.S. Does anyone else find it odd that you would have to specify that you want someone who is not married and who doesn't do drugs? Who would honestly put on their profile "I use drugs"? This place is odd!
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
We could do the standard dinner, drinks, or coffee. But how about a game of miniature golf or a walk in the Strip District?