For me, interests, hobbies, or the usual personality adjectives aren’t the way to go in the beginning. To abbreviate what’s initially important in one mashed-up paragraph: You’ve always been looking for me. You’re not simply “ready to settle down” and now “wanting someone to share life with” only after a certain point, but you’ve always wanted to actually share living life with a certain person, and have always tried to find him. You don’t place an opportunity for sex above your chances of finding me, and you haven’t been "just having fun first". You don't say "I want a relationship but I'm not looking for one." You haven’t been running the risk of not finding me because of being closed to finding something until reaching a particular point in life. You don’t think of having a relationship as somehow “losing your freedom” or “being tied down”. You believe in love, don't have an allergic reaction to the concept of it, and don't say "I'll believe in love when I see it". You don’t think someone is “desperate” or “needy” just because they’re putting out effort to find something. You don't ask "why do I need a man" - you want a man. You also don’t fall easily, and aren’t only “in love with the idea of love”. You aren’t wanting someone just to have someone. You want, and know how, to take time to let a man get to know you, and you get to know him. You don’t try to force things unnaturally, and don’t try to force “bonding experiences”. You do want to "start out as friends", but you're clear with yourself and a date that your intentions are to find something serious, not casual, and the idea of feeling "pressure" from the attitudes I'm expressing here doesn't make sense to you. You don't assume that I'm going to "latch" onto you prematurely or have expectations because of what you're reading here. You don’t use techniques to “handle” a man, and you don’t get your ideas about men or dating from T.V. or books. You don’t feel like strongly wanting someone somehow makes you incomplete as an individual, without purpose or happiness, unable to be alone, or is a matter of “stressing or worrying” about it. Concerns about co-dependency, “me-time”, or “being clingy” seem weird to you. Concerns about the possibility of “falling out of love” or “having to settle” also don’t make sense to you, because of what your intentions and motivations are, and the criteria that you think are important. You highly value having that best friend to truly live life with, defining life for each other, the rest of the world be damned, and don’t think that there’s anything wrong with this. You understand how wonderful and awesome it can really be, and have always wanted it. You don't say "I want one man to prove to me that they're not all the same". You don’t encourage or subscribe to gender-war mindsets or cynicism. You don't believe in neither patriarchy nor matriarchy, and veiled female-chauvinism isn't your idea of equality nor how to respond to male-chauvinism.
This doesn't mean that I'll have already decided that we belong together, but that's just my first and biggest criteria.
Otherwise…you’re an artsy creative type, outdoors and nature lover, enjoy Halloween, are non-religious, are a bit environmentally conscious and socially tolerant, would love to occasionally hand-craft and play strategic board games with me (! big plus), aren’t much heavier than your natural build, hip-hop or pop-country aren’t your primary musical interests, don't like using a lot of make-up very often, and you don’t use your gender unfairly or dishonestly in different areas of life.
And, I'll make it known upfront that I am "poor". I live a humble lifestyle. This is through no fault of mine nor lack of effort, and I'm never a bum and always take care of myself. However, if you want someone who's really "established", you might not like me.
Note…I’m not completely against something not-so-serious, “depending”, but only if all of this about who I am is understood beforehand.
- I don’t usually send a first-message to anyone. Being a man trying to first-message a woman on an online single’s site, or read anything helpful in the profiles, is like a bad joke. My solution is to volunteer the initially important information in my own profile. Who I want is someone who won't just sit and wait for messages from guys, but puts out her own effort, is able to message me first, and is also capable of making conversation afterwards. This means that, since I did my part in my profile, you have to tell me why you're messaging me. And don't cheat either by writing something real in yours just before you message me.
- If your intentions on the first few dates aren’t getting to know who I am and letting me see who you are, but instead are to operate on foregone conclusions, try to impress me or expect me to impress, court, and woo you, lay out a road map and only pay attention to whether or not I push all of the buttons, then we shouldn’t date.
- If you depend heavily on the first-impression myth and look for shallow immediate chemistry, or won't be interested in a second-date just because certain rituals or gestures don't take place a certain way on the first-date, we shouldn’t even bother with the first-date.
- If you don't automatically pay for your share of the first few dates, go "dutch", without waiting for a cue to do so, and without being asked about it, don’t try to go on a date with me.
- And of course, if the only way that you're able to read this profile is as it being from bitterness or negativity, then your head isn't in the right place concerning how to read and you're not ready for someone like me.
Join the conversations - http://forums.plentyoffish.com/