For me…interests, hobbies, personalities, or how well things go during dating are not the way to go in the beginning. If I see that we simply have some interests in common, that doesn't do anything for me - there are a thousand women with whom I might have something in common. Yes, we need to talk about things via online or phone, then get a feel for each other in person, and various details will make some difference…but what is most essential, indicates whether or not we are a possibility (for something long term and serious), and should be made clear in the very beginning (despite other possibilities or your intentions), are these:
You believe in love. You don’t have an allergic reaction to it. You don't chant to yourself "I'll believe in love when I see it". You have always been looking for me. You are not just “ready to settle down” and now “want someone to share life with” only after a certain point in life, but instead you have always been looking for that best friend to share living life with.
You value having a real relationship and know how wonderful it can be. You don’t think of having a relationship as somehow “losing your freedom” or “being tied down”. You don’t feel like strongly wanting someone somehow makes you incomplete as an individual, or “without purpose, identity, or happiness”.
You don’t easily fall in love and aren’t just “in love with the idea of love”. You aren’t wanting someone simply to have someone. You are able to be alone, independent, and are “complete” yourself even though you’re looking for someone “to complete you.”
You know how to let me and you get to know each other. You don’t try to force things unnaturally or choreograph “bonding experiences”. You don’t try to “handle” or “maneuver” a man, or court him by only “striking poses”, trying to use come-on set-up lines and “mojo”, or trying to have “game”. You don’t get your ideas about men, dating, or relationships from cliché’s, books, or T.V. You don't pretend to be something you're not to make a man like you, and you don't mold how you look for someone just to increase the chances of getting dates.
You don’t assume that I’m going to latch onto you easily, try too hard, or force things just because I'm serious about finding my other half. This profile doesn’t make you feel “pressure”. You don’t think that someone is “desperate” or “needy” just because they put out effort to find something.
Because of what your intentions and motivations are, and the criteria that you think are important, you think that concerns about the possibility of “falling out of love” or “having to settle” don’t apply. And problems with co-dependency, “me-time”, or “being clingy” don’t apply either.
You have not been “just having fun first”, and you don’t place an opportunity for sex above your chances of finding me. You don’t risk not finding me because of being closed to finding something until reaching a particular point in life. You don't say "I want a relationship but I'm not looking for one”. You do want to "start out as friends", but want to establish upfront whether or not someone is a possibility, and you’re clear and upfront with yourself and a man that your intentions are to find something serious, not casual.
You don’t encourage nor subscribe to gender-war mindsets or cynicism. You do not use your gender dishonestly or manipulatively in different areas of life. You don't chant "why do I need a man” - you WANT a man. You also don’t chant "I want one man to prove to me that they're not all the same".
Otherwise…you're probably an artsy/creative type, outdoors/nature lover, enjoy Halloween, non-religious, environmentally conscious and socially tolerant, would love to occasionally hand-craft and play strategic board games with me, aren’t much heavier than your natural build, hip-hop or pop-country aren’t your primary musical interests, and don't like using much makeup very often.
And I'll make it known upfront that I am "poor". I live a humble lifestyle. This is through no fault of mine nor lack of effort, and I'm never a bum and always take care of myself. However, if you want someone who's really "established", you might not like me.
I am not completely closed to something not-so-serious, but only as long as everything in this profile is understood beforehand.
No, my pictures are not very recent.
I rarely send a first-message to anyone. A man first-messaging a woman in an online dating site is a bad joke for a variety of reasons. I’ve volunteered the pertinent information in my profile like you’re supposed to. My profile is my 'hello' and first message to you, and if you're interested you should start a real conversation about what I talk about here. Who I want is someone who won’t just sit back and complain about all of the messages nor depend only on getting them, but instead she puts out her own effort and is capable of making conversation, let alone of her own initiative.
If your profile only says something like “just ask me” or "nobody reads these anyway", or you only wrote something real in it after seeing mine and just before messaging me, then I might not be very interested in you.
If your intentions on the first few dates aren’t to get to know who I am and let me see who you are, but instead are to operate on foregone conclusions, try to impress me or expect me to impress or court you, or requiring me to respond to your set-up come-on lines in a certain way, then we shouldn’t even date.
If you won't be interested in a second-date just because certain gestures don't take place a certain way on the first-date, we shouldn’t even bother with the first-date.
If your expectations of a first-impression or a certain immediate chemistry are contradictory to, or inconsistent with, what you claim to be looking for or who you claim to be, we probably shouldn’t date.
If you don't automatically pay for your share of the first few dates, go "dutch", on your own without being asked about it or without waiting for a cue to do so, don’t agree with going on a date with me.
If the only way that you’re able to read this profile is that it’s from bitterness, is negative, is too picky, etc, or you'd rather take the easy way and talk to guys who don't care about all that I've said here, or the length and details of my profile just gives you an excuse to think that you see red flags, then your head isn’t in the right place and you’re not ready for something real, you obviously don't REALLY want someone good, and you’re not ready for someone like me.
Something I wrote: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16010626.aspx
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