I'm a 5'9" powerhouse that's allergic to gluten and can throw a cat harder than Nadzeya Ostapchuk. If you put bread in my face I will sh*ton yours.
My dream job is creating an alternative energy source out of cat hair and discarded medical waste. I believe that a car should be able to travel at least 100 miles on one strand of DNA. My goal is to be the first female CEO of a fortune 500 company that can crush an aluminum can with her thighs while simultaneously burping in perfect pitch along to Hanson's seminal masterpiece, "Where's The Love."
I enjoy all the internet has to offer, but I spend most of my time online subscribing to animal fitness magazines and learning how to clean floors with organic compost.
Other hobbies include repurposing old license plates into chastity belts and baking the beating of hearts of grown men into cakes (gluten free cakes).
Please contact me if you are went to an Ivy League school, earn more than $90,000 a year or have taught yourself how to use the powers of your mind to seal your ***hole so that you may never fart in my presence.
Intellectual conversation about how we will destroy the patriarchy together, one dildo at a time. I have no time for your fantasies of "insertion."
Other options include:
- Riding around town on your moped while I wear my cat attached to my chest with a Baby Bjorn.
- Reading me your first attempt at a novel while I laugh in your face at your pathetic attempts to be a man and a writer.
- I'll emasculate you by speculating for hours about how tiny your****probably is.
- Feeding you disgusting, uncomfortable, unwelcome compliments about your body.
- Sushi and a long night of sacrificing VHS tapes to John Cusack's soul.
To send a message to
you MUST meet the following criteria:
Age between 26 and 37.
Live in United States
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not be looking for Activity Partner
Must not be married
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