I am a pathetic loser who is hoping to meet that special lady friend who might be able to lend me some money so that I can move away from my parents' place and buy a car. So, if you can help me out please read on…
But seriously, if you are a player or are just looking for a booty call, please move on!
Past Times: I live close to the water and I am usually fishing, out on the kayak, or just enjoying the view. Pine Island is paradise.
Hobbies… I’ve been taking pleasure in occupying the lobbies of expensive hotels such as the Ritz-Carlton in Naples pretending to be a guest. Once I actually checked in as a guest but found that I eventually gravitated to the lobby and ordered c0cktails and lounged about. So now I think I’ll just lounge about and occupy.
Cuisine! Now retired from the military, I've had the pleasure of living around the world for the majority of my adult life. As such I am open minded, enjoy a wide array of flavours, and am always willing to undertake something new and I really appreciate someone who can turn me on to something new. Please turn me on to something new. You have to try Pho if you haven't already. Pho Vinh is the best! They've even named a version of it after me, "Joe's Pho". Sushi is an addiction I have not been able to shake since Japan. Surprisingly, I’ve become a phenomenal cook as a single gentleman. No really, I make myself cry when I can tell someone really enjoys what I prepared.
Then there are my c0cktails--I enjoy a couple on a regular basis. I'd be violating the CDC's guidance to have anything less than 2 drinks a day! Lighten up & who do you think you are fooling? (“Socially” = 3 drinks or less a week)? Scotch whisky is my solace as well as Absinthe. Since we're opening up like this, when I’m really feeling saucy, I’ll order a Vodka Martini or a White Russian but the latter two are usually ordered at a bar or restaurant (taking advantage of the inclusive labour). Tequila makes me take my shirt off. Absinthe makes me see green fairies with their shirts off.
Goals: A few years from now, I will sell all I have and set sail for the South Pacific. Not sure if I’ll ever return as I may want to stay. I cannot yet sail safely or even routinely trailer a boat successfully so lessons are probably requisite, at least to get us there. This has been in my end game plans since I saw the musical South Pacific, “Bali Ha'i “. What's better, ending life in a retirement home, or in a gun battle with some pirates off the coast of Bali Bali? I pick the latter. Part of my lifelong retirement benefits is free travel around in the world (Space Available). Of that, I am certain I’ll take advantage in a few years...Just gotta finish this latest work thingy. 8 more years!!!!!!
Money: I am not wealthy but live comfortably—I consider myself fortunate. However, if dapper looks, a phenomenal persona, and the ability to levitate objects merely by concentrating real hard were paying jobs, I’d be a millionaire. I reject cable TV, satellite TV, and cell phone companies—I boycott the former two. The latter fuels my iPhone so I must acquiesce. I recycle like an astronaut running low on astronaut stuff in outer space and will not dry my clothes in a dryer—living green and whatnot. While they were cutting edge and insanely pricey, I replaced all the CFL bulbs with LED's to ensure I will never see my return on investment and never see anything in my house without a flashlight. If you want some CFL bulbs, I'll gladly bring them with to our date. I will not own a car that requires a car payment. In fact, I'm proud of my latest purchase, a Mercedes diesel with only 250,000 miles on the clock. It runs on used olive oil. At $10 a quart I switched back to Diesel.
What do I want in a Relationship?: While not generally recognized philosophers, I posit Donny and Marie Osmond were compellingly prophetic in their gleeful declaration, “I’m a little bit Country and I’m [you’re] a little bit Rock and Roll”. You see how well they get along, right? What's that, they're bother and sister?
Conversation Starters (i.e. what you'd like to do on a first date...)
Our first date should likely be at Starbucks or the beach. One can learn volumes based upon what a prospective special lady friend orders at Starbucks. If you show up with an iPhone, I will propose on the spot. As a conversation theme, I would attempt to center, much like the Sweepers in a heated Curling Match, the dialog on a topic of midgets and monkeys. I would bring and fasten to your pantsuit jacket, a corsage (availability dependent on the season so don’t hold me to that). When that extraordinary prospective special lady friend would attempt to sweep the conversation toward something more practical, I would return to the topic of midgets and monkeys and perhaps throw in one of those scary clowns like Captain Spuaulding. Guess the movie? When and if you said something I should take as funny, I would laugh and slip in a “snort” while I laugh and watch your reaction. If that special lady friend had not bolted for the door leaving me with my Americano and an empty table, I’d recommend we grab a bowl of Pho (Please research Pho before escorting me to my favorite Vietnamese restaurant). If the Pho can be enjoyed gracefully and without complaints, we are in there. Then, if it doesn’t work out, we at least have our Pho together. No one can take that from us. If it works out, then quite frankly, you’ve won the lottery!