Here we go, rewrite #72. Kidding...it's only the 71st rewrite. Not that people read this crap anyway.
I'm looking for a relationship, hence why I selected "is looking for a relationship". Can someone fat-finger a drop down list? I love how women complain about all the perverts and douchebags on here, yet I've seen more flakes than a blizzard. This online mishap is far from one-sided, people. If you're on here because you "don't have time to meet people in the real world" then you just don't have time, period. Do you think this is just going to stay in this half-assed Matrix forever? The point of this damned site(for some) is to fairly quickly lead to said real world, not some f'n Xbox Live circle jerk. I'm also not here to be dragged to a bunch of parties, I'm past those days, it's settle down time, and I'll always choose staying in over going out. Always.
Now time for the clarifications, for all of our bloody sakes:
I'm not into "plus sized", "BBW", or "chunky" women. Sorry. If you're fine with it, super, but it's not my thing. I'm not saying that you have to be anywhere near some bulimic makeup model on her big tour, but there's a limit. Deceptive selfie angles are fun, aren't they?
Kids. After much thought, I will probably be fine if you have one kid, but that's about it. With that said, I'm REALLY not big into if the ex is very much in the picture. This scenario has f'd me time and time again, and I truly see it as a warning sign before anything else nowadays. I don't get the bloody need to write "they're my world" and "they come first". Awesome, I feel those pointless statements have singlehandedly stopped my need to call DCFS. *phew* But seriously, you have to realize that you are looking to involve another human being that is not you or your kid into things. Have some courtesy of that fact. If you really don't have at least a reasonable amount of time to devote into a relationship because of the child factor, then, as stated above, you just don't have time. Stop pretending otherwise.
Distance. I realize messages can travel at damn near the speed of light, but cars can not. Especially in this clogged gastrointestinal system known as Chicagoland. I know this website has a piss-poor sense of geography at best, but that's why God, or the gods, or Satan, or nothing if you're atheist, invented the Internet search...use it. Science!
Automatic responses for lazy, cookie-cutter messages are as follows:
"Hey": is for horses
"Where's Gages Lake? Lol": somewhere between google maps and mapquest
"Hey there :)": Deletion with no response
(I hear this message is automatically generated by clicking some "flirt button". If that's the case, that makes me sad)
Women always write about how they want more than "hi". Well, that's a two way street, lady.
Oh, and adding me as a "favorite" without sending a message = me removing you without messaging.
All this probably seems very cynical, in reality, it is. Been on here for a pathetically long amount of time, and I feel like I can earn a bloody psychology degree from it. So brutal honesty is now my attitude choice over the artificial, egocentric narcissism of "Pick me, I'm totes awesome!" ads on this digital meat market.