Dear Mr. Vernon,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is that we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is . . .
If you recognize that, we're off to a good start. You'll have to go out with me to figure out which character I am. ;)
One thing you will very quickly learn about me is that I am in love with sarcasm, but there's room for more love in my life. If you can make me laugh, I'll fall for you harder than a dried up redwood. If you're authentic, you also have a leg up on the vast competition that is my dating life (please recognize the sarcasm). If you're smart, you will have my attention. If you have a great smile, gorgeous eyes, AND you're smart, authentic, and sarcastically funny, you will have my credit card number and a free dinner for a year, anytime you want. Add athletic to that, and the world is your oyster.
A little about the person in the pictures you just viewed......
First, I was raised by two women, so I have the common sense to treat you with a ton of respect and chivalry, but don't worry, I won't be a pansy about it. I enjoy - scratch that - I tolerate running, and I play soccer and softball reasonably competitively, so I'm attracted to people who are active, including hikers, runners, bowlers and tennis, ping pong, softball, hockey, jai alai, and Australian rules football players. I'm a bit of a jack of all trades, which means I love to do just about everything, so I'd be as happy going out dancing (yes, I'm white, but you might actually be impressed) or cooking you dinner or zip-lining (I'd love to go sky-diving), yet I'd be just as happy with a quiet night snuggled on the couch with a movie. I do know the difference between your and you're; to, two, and too; their, they're, and there; and it's and it's. Although it isn't mandatory that you use them correctly all the time, I'm drawn to people who at least try. I do overuse parentheses and ellipses (...), however.
Finally, an important question: Are you sane? For this one, please ask several of your friends to vote anonymously. I don't know you well enough to trust your answer. BTW, the appropriate answer is "very".
Ok, you've heard my side of the story...... Your turn.