It seems to me that most people know very little about life, love, and relationships. And thats because men and women don't really understand each other. But even more importantly, they don't even understand themselves. So, I made it my life's mission to understand people. To understand what it is that men and women really want from their lives. I decided to give up on the fairy tale and accept reality. Because the quicker you accept the reality, the quicker you will find long term happiness. So, what is the reality? Well, keep reading and you will find out...
Have you ever felt so much anxiety that it made your teeth hurt? I have. Its the feeling you get when you know the person you love is in bed with somebody else and enjoying it. Before that, i didnt even know what "anxiety" was. But mixed with the anxiety was also the feeling of stimulation and arousal. Its a very strange and powerful combination of emotions. And what makes it even more strange is that I wanted this feeling. I encouraged my partner to sleep with other people because I wanted to learn how to overcome feelings of jealousy/insecurity and learn how to trust/forgive. And it was the best thing I ever did...
I guess you could say my life is a bit of a social experiment. An experiment designed to help me understand what people want and expect from a relationship. The idea came to me a few years ago when I began to analyze my past relationships and the relationships of those around me. Friends, family, and coworkers...
When I did this, I noticed that nearly every long-term relationship follows the same trend. They begin with romance and passion, but after some time, the feelings of romance and passion fade away and they are replaced with boredom and emptiness. Deep inside, I think most people know this, but they choose to ignore it. People strive to achieve the happiness they see in young relationships but they disregard the sadness they see in long term relationships. We choose to turn a blind eye to it. Everybody seems to think that they will be the lucky one who finds their soul mate and experiences eternal happiness.
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a soul mate, and even if there was, it would take many lifetimes to actually find this person. Do i sound pessimistic? Perhaps. But in reality, i am an optimist. An optimist, but at the same time, a realist. The key to ask questions and then come up with practical solutions to solve it...
For starters, why do most relationships ultimately lose the romance and passion? Simple answer... its because people get bored of each other. After some time, theexcitement goes away and the relationship becomes a routine. And when the relationship becomes a routine, there are no more surprises and things get monotonous. Monogamy and monotonous go hand in hand.
So, if every relationship results in boredom , then why do people want a long term relationship? Most people would say because they want love, security, and companionship. Sounds nice, but in reality people need more than that. What people really crave is passion. You can find love anywhere. You can find love from friends, family, and even dogs. Yes, dogs are a good provider of love. But people aren't happy with just love. What they really want is passion. Its the most potent, addictive, and dangerous drug there is. It feels good to have passion for somebody. And it feels even better to know that somebody has passion for you. It builds self-esteem and confidence.
The problem in life is that passion is not eternal. It fades with time. And when that passion is gone, the happiness goes with it. Sure, the love may still exist, but without the passion, people slowly lose their self-esteem and confidence. They feel bored, lonely, and trapped. If you don't believe it, just wait and find out for yourself. Luckily, however, couples have developed an effective method to regain the lost passion. They fight. They fight over meaningless and ridiculous things. Why? Because fighting creates passion. But it is negative passion which achieves nothing except creating more misery.
After making this realization about love and passion, I began to question the fundamental concept of what a relationship is. What do people expect from each other? It occurred to me that most couples will compromise about anything. Anything except loyalty. Loyalty is non-negotiable. It is the foundation to every relationship. "Give me loyalty and I will give you love, companionship, and security."
So if loyalty is the only rule, the foundation upon which every relationship is built, then why does every relationship result in boredom and misery? Its because both men and women fail to realize that they will lose passion for each other. Passion fades with time. Its an incurable disease. And once that passion has faded away, they still demand the loyalty. But, people need the passion. They crave the passion. The passion is what made them happy in the first place.
So, why do people demand loyalty? We demand loyalty because we were taught to demand loyalty. From childhood, we were taught that loyalty is love and sex is sacred. Sure, even****oaches have sex, but for us humans, its sacred. The idea of somebody we love not being loyal is painful. We cannot control our jealousy, our insecurity, and our fear. We fear that if somebody is unfaithful, they will stop loving us, and they may leave us. So to avoid these feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and fear, we demand loyalty.
Another reason we demand loyalty is because we are selfish. We like the idea of having somebody who gets passion from us. It feels good to think that there is a person who will only desire you for the rest of their life. And the thought of that person finding passion from somebody else is unacceptable. So, we spend all of our time trying to find somebody who will stay loyal forever. But if you think about it, the word itself is a little degrading. Loyal. Dogs are loyal. But at the end of the day, that is what we want. We all want a loyal puppy dog. Right?
So, we are selfish and we want to protect our feelings. Understandable. We all want a loyal puppy dog. And the way we achieve this is by agreeing to be somebody else's loyal puppy dog. We take away each other's freedom in order to alleviate each other's feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Whats ironic is that it doesn't work. The feelings of jealousy and insecurity are always present. We constantly worry that the person may lose interest and lose passion for us. Why do we worry about this? Because they will lose interest and passion!!! It is inevitable. So what is the solution? Simple. Start a fight and bring back the passion. Accuse them of something. Make them feel guilty. Whatever it takes to get their passion back. This is basically every couple you have ever met... Your parents. Your aunts and uncles. Your friends. Your cowor