It seems to me that most people know very little about life, love, and relationships. And thats because men and women don't really understand each other. But even more importantly, they don't even understand themselves. So, I made it my life's mission to understand people. To understand what it is that men and women really want from their lives. I decided to give up on the fairy tale and accept reality. Because the quicker you accept the reality, the quicker you will find long term happiness. So, what is the reality? Well, keep reading and you will find out...
Have you ever felt so much anxiety that it made your teeth hurt? I have. Its the feeling you get when you know the person you love is in bed with somebody else and enjoying it. Before that, i didnt even know what "anxiety" was. But mixed with the anxiety was also the feeling of stimulation and arousal. Its a very strange and powerful combination of emotions. And what makes it even more strange is that I wanted this feeling. I encouraged my partner to sleep with other people because I wanted to learn how to overcome feelings of jealousy/insecurity and learn how to trust/forgive. And it was the best thing I ever did...
I guess you could say my life is a bit of a social experiment. An experiment designed to help me understand what people want and expect from a relationship. The idea came to me a few years ago when I began to analyze my past relationships and the relationships of those around me. Friends, family, and coworkers...
When I did this, I noticed that nearly every long-term relationship follows the same trend. They begin with romance and passion, but after some time, the feelings of romance and passion fade away and they are replaced with boredom and emptiness. Deep inside, I think most people know this, but they choose to ignore it. People strive to achieve the happiness they see in young relationships but they disregard the sadness they see in long term relationships. We choose to turn a blind eye to it. Everybody seems to think that they will be the lucky one who finds their soul mate and experiences eternal happiness.
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a soul mate, and even if there was, it would take many lifetimes to actually find this person. Do i sound pessimistic? Perhaps. But in reality, i am an optimist. An optimist, but at the same time, a realist. The key to ask questions and then come up with practical solutions to solve it...
For starters, why do most relationships ultimately lose the romance and passion? Simple answer... its because people get bored of each other. After some time, theexcitement goes away and the relationship becomes a routine. And when the relationship becomes a routine, there are no more surprises and things get monotonous. Monogamy and monotonous go hand in hand.
So, if every relationship results in boredom , then why do people want a long term relationship? Most people would say because they want love, security, and companionship. Sounds nice, but in reality people need more than that. What people really crave is passion. You can find love anywhere. You can find love from friends, family, and even dogs. Yes, dogs are a good provider of love. But people aren't happy with just love. What they really want is passion. Its the most potent, addictive, and dangerous drug there is. It feels good to have passion for somebody. And it feels even better to know that somebody has passion for you. It builds self-esteem and confidence.
The problem in life is that passion is not eternal. It fades with time. And when that passion is gone, the happiness goes with it. Sure, the love may still exist, but without the passion, people slowly lose their self-esteem and confidence. They feel bored, lonely, and trapped. If you don't believe it, just wait and find out for yourself. Luckily, however, couples have developed an effective method to regain the lost passion. They fight. They fight over meaningless and ridiculous things. Why? Because fighting creates passion. But it is negative passion which achieves nothing except creating more misery.
After making this realization about love and passion, I began to question the fundamental concept of what a relationship is. What do people expect from each other? It occurred to me that most couples will compromise about anything. Anything except loyalty. Loyalty is non-negotiable. It is the foundation to every relationship. "Give me loyalty and I will give you love, companionship, and security."
So, why do people demand loyalty? We demand loyalty because we were taught to demand loyalty. From childhood, we were taught that loyalty is love and sex is sacred. Sure, even rats have sex, but for us humans, its sacred. The idea of somebody we love not being loyal is painful. We cannot control our jealousy, our insecurity, and our fear. We fear that if somebody is unfaithful, they will stop loving us, and they may leave us. So to avoid these feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and fear, we demand loyalty.
At this point, I asked myself a philosophical question: "If all relationships lose the passion, and the only rule is loyalty, then perhaps the rule is wrong". Perhaps a relationship based on romance and loyalty is not the answer. Perhaps a relationship based on friendship and freedom is a better alternative. So, this is my life and this is the experiment. I am going against all logic and common sense. I decided to try something counterintuitive and unconventional. I decided to give my partner total freedom. No rules, and therefore, no reason to ever get bored. What do I hope to achieve? Long-term happiness. A relationship with somebody who has similar ideas, interests, and habits. Somebody that I enjoy spending time with. Somebody that I am compatible with. And when things get a little boring, we are able to find happiness and passion outside of the relationship. A relationship where we don't take away freedom, we give freedom. Give a person 100% freedom and they will never leave you. Thats my belief. And at the end of the day, thats what people want. Somebody to always be there.
When I tell people this idea, they typically dismiss it immediately and say it is just a convenient way to let myself "cheat". They say it is crazy and selfish. In my opinion, they are crazy and selfish. In reality, it is the most unselfish thing you can do for somebody. Why? Because I accept reality. I am just an average simple man. I know it will be impossible for me to satisfy every need and desire of the person I am with. I know that any person who is with me will eventually get bored and lose passion for me. And when that happens, they will become miserable. And if they are miserable, I will be miserable. I never want my partner to be miserable. So, I won't allow it. I will give them the freedom they need to keep themselves happy and entertained in life.
The only pro